Best Ball

This is my best ball.  The nice humans who live next door to our old kennel gave it to me when they came to visit last week.  It squeaks at me when I give it a little squeeze so I know it loves me too.   I take it everywhere with me just in case it gets lonely.

I have heard our humans talk about playing with their best ball.  I don’t understand why they wouldn’t take their best ball everywhere with them, so when Mummy was out today, I took advantage of using her writing box to do a little research and see what humans consider to be the correct treatment for their best ball.  I was very upset by my findings.

Daddy came from the land where male humans wear skirts which is where the game of coaxing little white balls across fields with sticks was started.  I know that our humans have bags full of these sticks which, with a team of three other humans they use to coax the little white balls to fly across fields.  From what I can understand, in the land we live in, sometimes they play something called a scramble with their long sticks (I find this very confusing because I thought this was something Daddy does with eggs on Sunday mornings).  The most athletic ball that flies the furthest then gets hit by all four of the humans.  I would never treat my best ball that way.

Tobermory

Smoking a Chicken

Mummy said she’s going to smoke a chicken tonight.  I study the moving picture screen on the wall avidly so I've seen bad humans wearing felt head covers who drive old, square motorized dog carriers talking about smoking someone and they do it with a gun.  Firstly, there are no guns in this kennel.  Secondly, I had a good look at the chicken and it looks pretty dead to me so why would it need to be smoked?

Tobermory

Going to the Dogs

There’s a big competition going on right now between humans to decide who is going to move into a big white kennel and be the next leader of this land.  It goes on all year and starts with lots of them who get eliminated along the way.  Now there are just two battling it out.

I’ve been trying to work out how the competition works and from what I can tell, the competitors see how many bad things they can find to say about the others and the winner is the one who can invent the most believable bad things.  I think a new level has now been added.  Our humans had some friends over to share falling over juice with them and I overheard them saying the competition has gone to the dogs. Lots of humans living in the big white kennel have had canine advisers so it makes sense that the dogs' opinion should be taken into account.  The current residents didn’t have any when they moved in, but quickly realized their importance and picked wisely.  The first to join them was Bo who was soon after joined by Sonny.  They’re Portuguese so obviously are particularly useful when it comes advice on foreign affairs.

Now, if this competition really has gone to the dogs, why have we not heard from the human finalists' canine advisers? If they don’t have any, they need to get some.  They are bound to talk more sense.

Talisker

It's OK to Gnaw Cell Phones

Just lately, Mummy has been spending a lot of time with her writing box and then takes it with her when she leaves the kennel.  This has made it particularly difficult for me to keep up with current affairs.  However, I have worked out that she spends all Friday morning outside decapitating plants before the guy with the big blowing machine comes.  I know what you’re thinking … isn’t the guy with the big blowing machine supposed to do that?  Don’t tell her or I may lose my little bit of writing box time.

Last Friday while Mummy was decapitating plants, I discovered a piece of research.  Did you know that it’s really unhygienic to kiss humans?  They have 1½ times more nasty stuff in their mouths than dogs.  I think we’re OK though.  Our humans spend a lot of time pulling pieces of string through their teeth and scrubbing them with humming brushes.

The next statistic … dog bowls are less hygienic than the prongy things humans use to move food from their plates to their mouths.  I’m not sure where they got the data from, but we have lots of bowls and Mummy puts them in the automatic bowl washing box every day with all the human feeding utensils, so again, I think we’re safe there.

Now, the last statistic is very interesting.  Dog toys have way more nasty stuff on them than human toys.  This one I can believe.  Tobermory regularly leaves our toys outside in the garden but our humans usually keep their mobile talking boxes in the protective environment of the pouches in their body covers.  This research suggests that if I have an urge for a really good gnaw, it would be much better for my health if I sink my teeth into one of our humans’ mobile talking boxes.

Talisker

Double Dating

Every Wednesday evening at the time of year when the sun stays awake for a long time, we go to a human gathering in a field in the middle of town to listen to howling humans.   Quite a few attending this gathering understand that being safe is important so they bring their security detail with them.

My girlfriend, Sierra just got a new little sister, Ruby Sky.  One of her parents is a Labrador, a fish retriever like us and the other is a Husky so is related to a long line of dogs, dedicated to pulling non-motorized human carriers in places covered with lots of cold, white, fluffy stuff.  Now, Sierra may be a Californian free spirit, but she understands the importance of finding the correct place to introduce a new pup to society, and Wednesday night howling humans is definitely one of the best venues.

Tobermory is really quite taken with Ruby Sky.  I guess it must be those blue eyes.  I told him he’s being a cradle robber, but I guess if I can have a girlfriend four years my junior, so can he.  I think that there may be some double dating in our future.

Talisker

We are not Pokemon

Our access to Mummy’s writing box has been extremely limited for a while.  She’s been working very hard earning the green stuff that buys dog biscuits and keeps taking it with her when she leaves the kennel.  We’ve pointed out that there are humans who take our views on life very seriously and have been complaining about not hearing about them for a while.  She has at last heard our nagging and has promised to give us more writing box time.

We haven’t been on many adventures lately, but last weekend we went on one that turned a little more adventurous than intended.

We went to Sonoma which we always enjoy.  The smells are outstanding.  We usually sleep at the Sonoma Valley Inn which is a special kennel for travelling humans with particularly comfy beds that is very accommodating to their security detail.

 

One of the best things about the square in Sonoma is that lots of our humans’ favorite falling over juice makers like Roger Roessler have tasting kennels that we can wander to.  They also have a very good line in water for us to try.  We usually have a lot of fun on our wanders but this time was a little different.  A motorized dog carrier knocked us over along with Daddy on the bit of road with lines where humans walk across.  We all had to go to see doctors to take pictures of our insides to check we were OK.

I’m not quite sure what really happened, but I have done a little research.  There are some strange creatures scattered around the place that humans are trying to catch called Pokemon.  There is one that kind of looks like it could be a Labrador like us so maybe the human driving thought we were Pokemon, but I really can’t work out how they could have mistaken Daddy for one.  They also obviously didn’t know the rules.  Pokemon can only be caught by throwing little red and white balls at them.

All of you Pokemon catchers out there, please note that Labradors are not Pokemon, and even if you mistake them for one, if you’ve run out of little red and white balls, running them over with your motorized dog carrier doesn’t count.

Talisker

The Perfect Job

Mummy has been really busy just lately and has not given us much opportunity to put our paws on her writing box.  However, I do get to watch over her shoulder while she reads her messages and on Friday I saw this one from Door Dash. Humans wearing red body covers with that name on it bring human kibble to our kennel when Mummy doesn't have time to feed Daddy.

Daddy says that you can’t believe anything you read on April 1^st.  He can't be right because this sounds really cool.  I’ve trained Tobermory well and he can handle most of the security around here so I could take a side job.  I think it's perfect for me.  It combines all my favorite things … food, kissing humans and exploring neighborhoods without having to take one of ours with me.  I would even be prepared to offer a taste testing at no extra cost.

Talisker