Fluffy Red Collars

Mummy’s parents have come to visit from the land she came from to look at the big tree in our kennel.  This has seriously encroached on my writing time as doubling the human occupancy of our kennel has meant that I have had to help Talisker with his security detail.

There has been an unusual amount of white slippy stuff in the land Mummy came from.  Flying metal tubes there have not discovered how fun this stuff is and hide in their kennels and refuse to come out so it took Mummy’s parents more than a day to find a bold one that would bring them here.  Daddy had to come home from the land where humans used to wear round metal hats with horns.  He decided it was better to come through the land where chocolate comes from.  Chocolate loving flying metal tubes know all about white slippy stuff.

I have never worked this out, but when Mummy puts a tree in our kennel covered in bright sparkly things, she feels the need to decorate us too.  She insists on embarrassing us by taking us out dressed in red fluffy collars with bells on. I have tried hiding under the tree but Mummy always finds us.  This year she excelled in her determination to humiliate us.  Would you believe she found an old human who actually likes wearing this stuff and made us pose in front of the picture box with him?

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Wild vs. Domesticated Trees

At this time of year, humans like to put a tree in their kennels and cover it with sparkly things.  There are two schools of thought on whether it is best to capture a wild tree or use a more docile domesticated tree and I have to admit that the wild ones do have pretty fur.

Gone are the days when our humans used to try to tame a wild tree every year.  Only very brave humans still do this.  It’s quite difficult to get them into the kennel.  The easy part is catching them.  After that, they have to be restrained with lots of string on the top of a motorized dog carrier to transport them.  You don’t want to put them inside as they aren’t house trained and make a real mess.  On arriving at the kennel, to remove the tree, bring it inside and put it in a tree restrainer, humans have to wear big paw covers made of cow skin because they tend to bite.

We have a domesticated tree in our kennel which is very well behaved.  It sleeps in a bag all year and comes out with very little fight.  Being house trained, it doesn’t leave any mess and then quietly climbs back in its bag when its job is done but I have to admit that I still miss the spectacle of watching our humans trying to tame a wild one.

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Salami Testing

When water is falling out of the sky, humans get bored and restless and it can be particularly difficult to find a way to keep them occupied.  Luckily, I recently heard that my friend, Mo was putting on a salami testing event.  He’s chief of security at a falling over juice kennel at the top of a big hill near where we live so had some pull to make sure his humans would test some falling over juice on ours which we thought  would be an ideal way to keep them busy.

Humans don’t have good noses which is very obvious when you see them sniff falling over juice before they drink it because that stuff smells bad.  I told Talisker this but he insisted on finding out for himself.  He won’t do that again.

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The Mathematics of Labrador Exhaustion

Did you know that some humans think that everything that happens can be explained by a mathematical equation?  I decided to try this out so after Talisker had some of his friends over this weekend I sat down to see if I could work out an equation to explain the results of the day and this is what I have come up with:
 

((Human Puppies*5)*SUM(Lab/Ridgeback, Whippet, Bulldog/Beagle, Los Gatos Shepherd, Los Gatos Terrier))/SQRT(SUM(Bread, Cheese, Salami, Sausage))=

 

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