The Forever Collar

Today I got my “forever” collar.  It’s really cool.  It’s made of cow skin and looks just like Talisker’s.  He says it’s a privilege to be given this special collar.  It means our humans have decided it’s time for me to be a trusted member of the family.  He did, however, give me a list of things that this trust entails:

1.       No more grabbing Mummy’s socks out of her running shoes and making her chase me around the house for them.

2.       No more digging holes in the green stuff that covers the garden.

3.       No more eating base boards or windowsills.

4.       No more shouting in the morning when I’m bored and want the humans to get out of their bird fur and come and play with me.

5.       No more eating bits of the motorized dog carriers.

6.       No more eating Mummy’s plants.

In my defense I would like to address each of these:

1.       Sock chasing is a game and Mummy obviously enjoys it.  You can tell this by the squeals she makes while she’s chasing me.

2.       There are evil things under the green stuff in the garden and I am merely attempting catch and destroy tactics to protect our humans from them.  I have to admit that I have not had much success, but I know they’re down there.

3.       If the humans gave me more elk horns, I wouldn’t need to eat the kennel.

4.       Oh come on … they sleep way too long.

5.       Please see answer 3.

6.       They taste good, so what’s your point.

I think I’ve defended myself adequately.  Do I get to keep the cow skin collar?

Tobermory