Going to the Dogs

There’s a big competition going on right now between humans to decide who is going to move into a big white kennel and be the next leader of this land.  It goes on all year and starts with lots of them who get eliminated along the way.  Now there are just two battling it out.

I’ve been trying to work out how the competition works and from what I can tell, the competitors see how many bad things they can find to say about the others and the winner is the one who can invent the most believable bad things.  I think a new level has now been added.  Our humans had some friends over to share falling over juice with them and I overheard them saying the competition has gone to the dogs. Lots of humans living in the big white kennel have had canine advisers so it makes sense that the dogs' opinion should be taken into account.  The current residents didn’t have any when they moved in, but quickly realized their importance and picked wisely.  The first to join them was Bo who was soon after joined by Sonny.  They’re Portuguese so obviously are particularly useful when it comes advice on foreign affairs.

Now, if this competition really has gone to the dogs, why have we not heard from the human finalists' canine advisers? If they don’t have any, they need to get some.  They are bound to talk more sense.

Talisker

It's OK to Gnaw Cell Phones

Just lately, Mummy has been spending a lot of time with her writing box and then takes it with her when she leaves the kennel.  This has made it particularly difficult for me to keep up with current affairs.  However, I have worked out that she spends all Friday morning outside decapitating plants before the guy with the big blowing machine comes.  I know what you’re thinking … isn’t the guy with the big blowing machine supposed to do that?  Don’t tell her or I may lose my little bit of writing box time.

Last Friday while Mummy was decapitating plants, I discovered a piece of research.  Did you know that it’s really unhygienic to kiss humans?  They have 1½ times more nasty stuff in their mouths than dogs.  I think we’re OK though.  Our humans spend a lot of time pulling pieces of string through their teeth and scrubbing them with humming brushes.

The next statistic … dog bowls are less hygienic than the prongy things humans use to move food from their plates to their mouths.  I’m not sure where they got the data from, but we have lots of bowls and Mummy puts them in the automatic bowl washing box every day with all the human feeding utensils, so again, I think we’re safe there.

Now, the last statistic is very interesting.  Dog toys have way more nasty stuff on them than human toys.  This one I can believe.  Tobermory regularly leaves our toys outside in the garden but our humans usually keep their mobile talking boxes in the protective environment of the pouches in their body covers.  This research suggests that if I have an urge for a really good gnaw, it would be much better for my health if I sink my teeth into one of our humans’ mobile talking boxes.

Talisker

Double Dating

Every Wednesday evening at the time of year when the sun stays awake for a long time, we go to a human gathering in a field in the middle of town to listen to howling humans.   Quite a few attending this gathering understand that being safe is important so they bring their security detail with them.

My girlfriend, Sierra just got a new little sister, Ruby Sky.  One of her parents is a Labrador, a fish retriever like us and the other is a Husky so is related to a long line of dogs, dedicated to pulling non-motorized human carriers in places covered with lots of cold, white, fluffy stuff.  Now, Sierra may be a Californian free spirit, but she understands the importance of finding the correct place to introduce a new pup to society, and Wednesday night howling humans is definitely one of the best venues.

Tobermory is really quite taken with Ruby Sky.  I guess it must be those blue eyes.  I told him he’s being a cradle robber, but I guess if I can have a girlfriend four years my junior, so can he.  I think that there may be some double dating in our future.

Talisker

We are not Pokemon

Our access to Mummy’s writing box has been extremely limited for a while.  She’s been working very hard earning the green stuff that buys dog biscuits and keeps taking it with her when she leaves the kennel.  We’ve pointed out that there are humans who take our views on life very seriously and have been complaining about not hearing about them for a while.  She has at last heard our nagging and has promised to give us more writing box time.

We haven’t been on many adventures lately, but last weekend we went on one that turned a little more adventurous than intended.

We went to Sonoma which we always enjoy.  The smells are outstanding.  We usually sleep at the Sonoma Valley Inn which is a special kennel for travelling humans with particularly comfy beds that is very accommodating to their security detail.

 

One of the best things about the square in Sonoma is that lots of our humans’ favorite falling over juice makers like Roger Roessler have tasting kennels that we can wander to.  They also have a very good line in water for us to try.  We usually have a lot of fun on our wanders but this time was a little different.  A motorized dog carrier knocked us over along with Daddy on the bit of road with lines where humans walk across.  We all had to go to see doctors to take pictures of our insides to check we were OK.

I’m not quite sure what really happened, but I have done a little research.  There are some strange creatures scattered around the place that humans are trying to catch called Pokemon.  There is one that kind of looks like it could be a Labrador like us so maybe the human driving thought we were Pokemon, but I really can’t work out how they could have mistaken Daddy for one.  They also obviously didn’t know the rules.  Pokemon can only be caught by throwing little red and white balls at them.

All of you Pokemon catchers out there, please note that Labradors are not Pokemon, and even if you mistake them for one, if you’ve run out of little red and white balls, running them over with your motorized dog carrier doesn’t count.

Talisker

The Perfect Job

Mummy has been really busy just lately and has not given us much opportunity to put our paws on her writing box.  However, I do get to watch over her shoulder while she reads her messages and on Friday I saw this one from Door Dash. Humans wearing red body covers with that name on it bring human kibble to our kennel when Mummy doesn't have time to feed Daddy.

Daddy says that you can’t believe anything you read on April 1^st.  He can't be right because this sounds really cool.  I’ve trained Tobermory well and he can handle most of the security around here so I could take a side job.  I think it's perfect for me.  It combines all my favorite things … food, kissing humans and exploring neighborhoods without having to take one of ours with me.  I would even be prepared to offer a taste testing at no extra cost.

Talisker

Squirrels can't be trusted

I am very concerned about the judgement of some humans in this land.

Every four years, powerful humans hold a big competition to see who will get to be the big pack leader.  This time, a giant squirrel who calls himself “Trump” appears to have managed to get into the race, very poorly disguised as a human.  You just have to look at the top of his tail over his head to see that he is obviously hiding the rest of it inside his body covers.  I am amazed how many humans have been completely fooled by this disguise.

All dogs know that squirrels can’t be trusted and have to be chased away at every opportunity but no-one has stepped up to chase this one away yet.  I think the problem is that he’s a really big squirrel so it needs a really big dog.  When we go for our evening sniffs around town, we often meet a Newfoundland.  He’s a really big dog.  Tobermory feels a little intimidated by him, but he and I get along just fine.  Next time I run into him, I think I’ll ask if he can help with this troublesome squirrel problem.

Talisker

Nesting

I’ve noticed that our humans seem to particularly enjoy getting under their bag full of bird fur in cold weather.  I did a little research on the writing box and learnt that birds build little bowls that they line with their fur to keep the baby birds warm and it’s called nesting.   I therefore have concluded that when humans curl up under bags of bird fur, this must be their version of nesting.  Of course, humans have so little fur that they have to wear body covers to keep them warm, so using their own for nesting would not be very effective.

It’s been really cold just lately.  Well, not quite as cold as it is where all the white fluffy stuff is, but still pretty cold.  Our humans only burn dead trees in the hole in the wall after the sun has gone to bed, so my fur can get a little cold during the day.  We lie on top of the bird fur bag a lot, but yesterday I decided that I should try human nesting.  Man, was it good, but you never know when the bird fur bag might decide to not do its human warming duties properly.  I have decided that checking on the effectiveness of the bird fur bag should now be worked into my daily routine of human care.

Talisker