Cow Racing

We're in Sonoma. Talisker says we're here so that our humans can test different falling over juices to see if they work, but I know why we're really here ... we're looking for cows.  This is a particularly good place to find them and right now the whole place smells of them too.  Talisker says it's because at this time of year, the sticks that grow the little round things that falling over juice is made from eat cow poo.

 

In a place like Sonoma where there are so many cows, humans have obviously had to look at alternative uses for them other than the traditional ones.  We passed a place called Sonoma Raceway where they obviously hold cow races.  I know this because there's a model of a racing cow attached to the sign.

 

I like cows and I’ve always wanted a pet one, but I now think it would be really cool to have a racing cow.  Mummy doesn’t share my enthusiasm.  Daddy says she had lots of cows when she was a puppy so it’s particularly selfish of her not to let me have just one.

 

Of course, visiting the Three Dog Bakery for peanut butter cookies does help to relieve all kinds of disappointment.

 

Tobermory

Beetles

Last night we watched a very interesting story on the moving picture frame on the wall.  It was about 4 humans coming to this land 50 human years ago who thought they were beetles.  The only similarity I could see between them and beetles is that they had skinny black legs, but they only had 2 each.  Everyone knows that beetles have 6 legs, especially Tobermory who likes to chase them.  Real beetles are also pretty quiet, but these ones howled really loudly accompanied by lots of young female humans who howled even louder.

 

Two of these “Beetles” who are now really old stood on a platform to howl.  Our humans seemed to really enjoy watching them which I couldn’t understand until one started to jump around, howling that we all live in a yellow submarine.  I have to admit that watching this level of human disillusionment is pretty funny.



Talisker

Job Sharing

As you all know, a very important part of my job as Head of Security is to continually broaden my base of knowledge of human behavior.

I recently learnt about a new habit that some humans like to participate in called “job sharing”.  Two humans will do the same job that one could, one working hard but for half the day and another working hard for the other half of the day.  This is supposed to make their lives easier but I think they’ve got it all wrong.

Tobermory and I have been job sharing for some time.  We both hold the sofa down whilst each monitoring separate entrances to the kennel.  It would be possible for one of us to hold down the sofa and monitor both entrances at the same time and swap places in the middle of the day, but the working part of the day would be far more stressful and very lonely.

Talisker

Truman's Ball Room

We went to play fetch with our BFF (Best Fetching Friend), Truman this weekend.  His humans have removed all the insides from their cooking room and made it bigger.  His Daddy calls it “The Ball Room”.  Truman says they did it especially for him so that he can play fetch after the sun has gone to bed.

 

While we were playing, some humans were playing their own game of fetch on the moving picture on the wall.  49 of them came from our area.  They’re usually pretty good at the game, but didn’t win this time.  I think it’s because they don’t have a ball room like Truman so that they can continue to perfect their art when it's too dark to do it outside.

Talisker

Spare the Hair

It's important to follow the lessons learnt from your mentors, and Bowmore taught me the importance of spending time researching humans and their habitats to help us perform our security duties to the fullest extent.  In my studies, it has become apparent that most of their kennels have holes in the wall with fire.

 

In the kennel that Tobermory and I grew up in, our humans would press a button and the fire would start immediately.  The one in our new kennel seems to be far more demanding.  It refuses to do its job until they feed it bits of dead tree, and even then it takes its time to wake up and seems to demand constant feeding to continue to work.  In my opinion it’s pretty high maintenance, but I have to admit that it does an extremely good job of warming my fur.

 

Our humans appear to be quite happy dealing with this hole in the wall with fire’s demands, but I find its work ethic a little questionable.   We seem to have a lot of days, today being one of them, when our humans don’t even try to wake it up.  Mummy says it’s because it’s a “Spare the Hair” day.  I don’t know whose hair it thinks it saving, but my hair is being deprived by not being kept warm.

Talisker

Eating Crow

Tobermory and I have had a particularly stressful few months which gave me a bad case of what I have discovered is called “writer’s block”.

 

It all started in September.  Mummy and Daddy appeared to be plotting with one of their friends who kept stopping by with lots of pieces of paper for them to put their paw prints on.  Next, a big white box arrived.  A female human accompanied it who had the audacity to tell Mummy to shut us in the kitchen and “remove all trace of dog”.  This made me very suspicious and it turned out to be with good reason.  She persuaded some of the weaker minded pieces of furniture in our kennel to climb inside the white box, including my sleeping hutch which was the ultimate betrayal.  The box then ran away with all of them inside.

 

The next few weeks were a blur.  There was talk of different humans taking over occupancy of our kennel.   We’ve only known one kennel and no one explained to us how this works.  I’m sure you can understand the mental anguish it created.  There was a general atmosphere of unrest.  We weren’t allowed to practice the art of sofa restraint, the talking box would ring and our humans would run around beating the cushions on the sofas and beds.  They would then trick us into thinking that they were taking us for a neighborhood sniff, but all we did was sit outside the kennel at the end of the road that sells warm, brown waking up juice.  They seemed to be drinking a lot more of it than usual and Tobermory and I were getting very concerned that we were dealing with an addiction problem.

 

You have to understand that in the 38 dog years that I have been protecting our humans, they have been pretty predictable.  I have always felt confident in trusting the decisions they make that affect our lives, but this new behavior we were observing was very disturbing and I was beginning to doubt their judgment.  It now transpires that all these actions were actually planned and were for the good of all of us.  After spending a day with some of our favorite human neighbors who bake nice treats for us, our humans came to get us in the motorized dog carrier and took us to a new kennel, and there was all our furniture including my sleeping hutch.  It said it had been on vacation.

 

We now live in a smaller kennel which significantly reduces the security work load.  The best part is that it’s possible to multi-task by monitoring all entries while practicing the art of sofa restraint.  Mummy says that I now have to eat a crow for doubting her, although I fail to understand why that’s a punishment.  The ones around here look pretty fat and tasty.

Talisker

 

Sammy the Surfer

The life of a Chief of Security is not always an easy one.  Protecting humans can present some unusual challenges, especially when they decide to take up strange occupations.

 

Last weekend we accompanied our humans to one of their favorite falling over juice kennels, Loma Prieta Winery.  One of the nice humans who takes care of all of when we are there told us about her family’s Chief of Security, Sammy.

Sammy’s Mummy has started to take part in an activity called surfing which involves standing on a big board that floats on top of waves.  This presented Sammy with a huge problem.  At first appearances, being in charge of her humans’ safety, she was extremely concerned and decided that the only way to check if this activity should be curtailed would be to try it herself.  This is a prime example of the human expression “don’t knock it until you’ve tried it”.  Not only did she come to the conclusion that no blocking action of this activity was required, but has now become a regular surfer alongside her Mummy.

Talisker