Our humans like to have their friends over to join them
to eat. Mostly, Daddy cooks pieces of
dead cow over fire in a big metal box, but recently they served something
called Haggis. Mummy likes to explain
what she has prepared and where it came from. As fish retrievers, we are particularly well
known for our love of fine cuisine, so Tobermory and I always listen to her
stories particularly carefully. I would
now like to tell you what we learnt about this interesting little beast.
Haggis are only indigenous to the land that Daddy came
from where the male humans wear skirts.
There are two types of Haggis, Anticlockwise and Clockwise. Ancient Haggis would graze up and down hills
but started to graze in circles around the hills and evolved into the two
breeds. An Anticlockwise Haggis has
shorter legs on the left side to make it easier to walk around the hills, and a
Clockwise Haggis has shorter legs on the right.
As an inquisitive dog, I felt that my Haggis education
would not be complete without seeing what a live one looks like so searched for
a picture of one on Mummy’s writing box, and here it is.
As you can see from its lopsided appearance, this is obviously a
Clockwise Haggis.
After an extensive hunt, Mummy found a particularly fine
herd of Haggis on the East Coast and managed to obtain an Anticlockwise Haggis,
generally known as the most tasty of the two which I gather is very unusual
this early in the Haggis hunting season.
Tobermory and I helped to clear up and we have to agree that in the
words of a very famous male skirt wearer from many human years ago, this truly
is a “chieftain o' the puddin' race.”
Talisker
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