Thin pickings for mouse catchers

The latest report from my humans is that they are on a lump of land in the middle of a big lake in a place called Greece.  I thought they must have spelt this wrong and meant “grease” and found it a little confusing as I have always thought grease was something that drops off chickens when Mummy puts them in the cooking box with fire and couldn’t understand why they would want to spend time surrounded by such a yucky substance.

I have tried to keep away from the writing box while on vacation, but curiosity got the better of me.  It turns out that there really is a place called Greece.  The humans there are very athletic and like to eat sheep.

At some point in time, there must have been a mouse problem on the lump of land my humans are visiting because there are a lot of mouse catchers roaming the streets.  There obviously are no longer enough mice to keep them all employed as many are reduced to begging at human feeding stations.  Mouse catchers are very proud creatures so this must be particularly humiliating for them.  Being the swimmer that I am, I would just swim to another lump of land to look for new employment, but these little guys don’t have waterproof fur and webbed feet like me so they are a little short of options.  I think Mummy should help a few out and bring them back to our kennel with her in her big black bag.  We don’t have a big mouse problem, but we do have a lot of squirrels who she really hates because they make a mess of her garden.  She says they are big mice with fluffy tails so I’m sure Greek mouse catchers could adapt their skills to catch them too.

Talisker

Strange White Dogs

Occasionally my humans go to far away lands to visit their packs and at the moment they are on one of those trips.  I always enjoy going on adventures with them, but this is one that we have always declined joining them on.  Bowmore told me they get there on flying metal tubes that make dogs travel 3^rd class which was not a method of travel that he was prepared to take at his advanced age.  Being young, I could handle this much better but I think it’s an insult to a dog of my standing to make me travel like that so I’m taking a vacation at the kennel of some nice humans who live near us.  They cuddle me a lot and give me lots of treats.

Mummy has been quite good at keeping in touch and telling me what they have been doing.  For the first part of their trip, they went to the bottom of the land they came from to visit her parents and Dougal who takes care of them.  He’s particularly skilled at the art of camouflage so that he can keep a discreet eye on them.

Daddy’s pack come from the top of that land.  Lots of strange looking white dogs with thick curly hair roam the countryside in packs.  They are particularly thoughtful creatures.  It’s very cold up there and lots of water falls out of the sky and as we all know, humans don’t have much fur, and what they do have isn’t waterproof.  They get cold pretty easily so these kind dogs are well known for their generosity in giving humans some of their fur to keep them warm.

Some humans employ the white dogs to keep their grass short.  I can only assume that they demand a particularly low rate of pay.  Our kennel has a lot of grass and a human stops by with a grass shortening machine which does the job really very quickly and he only has to do it once a week.  It takes an entire pack of these white guys to do the same job and it takes them a really long time. They bite off each piece of grass individually which seems to me to be an extremely inefficient method of grass shortening when there are machines out there that can do it quickly.

Talisker

My BFF

This weekend I went to play fetch with Truman.  He’s my BFF.  He lives in a kennel near ours which is really very convenient as I get to exercise my humans taking them there.  Luckily his and mine seem to get on pretty well.  They all seem to like sitting around drinking falling over juice together and there are always younger humans there to throw balls for us.  I am pleased to say that I have finally returned to my peak condition after my leg repair so can now play fetch competitively again.

It’s always amusing to watch Truman’s tactics.  He’s a bit of a comedian and likes to tease humans by dropping the ball at their feet and then grabbing it again before they get a chance to pick it up.  They find this really annoying which is hilarious to watch.

It would appear that young humans also use the expression “BFF” but I really think they don’t understand what they are talking about.  After all, everyone knows that BFF stands for Best Fetching Friend and humans are really not good at playing fetch.

Talisker

Security Threats

There is a weak point in the security shield of our kennel that the humans seem to be completely oblivious of, and that is the moving picture frame on the wall.  They just sit there quietly watching it while creatures that do not belong with us flaunt their ability to get into our kennel without permission.  I watch really carefully and try my hardest to scare the bad ones off.  The worst is the little green dude who blatantly tries to sell insurance to our humans while they are caught off guard eating their dinner.  I can't believe his audacity.  He just can’t leave us alone.  We have stayed in kennels far away from home with moving picture frames on the wall and that annoying little green guy still finds us there.

Talisker

Human puppies are fun in water

I learnt something new this weekend.  Humans can swim.  We went to visit Bowmore’s old friend Levi.  He used to live in a kennel next to ours but his Daddy wants to grow bunches of the little round things that humans use to make falling over juice, so they moved to a place where the kennels aren’t so close to each other.  Levi’s new kennel has a hole in the ground with water but he told me that since he acquired it later in life he has little interest in learning a new sport.  However, it would appear that his human puppy is really quite agile in water which I find very impressive since she doesn’t have webbed paws like me.  Not only does she swim, but she throws balls in the water and also likes to dive in after them.  I had always assumed that holes in the ground with water were purely for our benefit but am delighted to know that I can have fun with human puppies in them too.

Talisker

Counting Humans

Last night lots of humans came to socialize with ours.  Humans get lost easily so it’s very important to count each one in and check the same number leave just in case any of them need to be rescued from a corner of the kennel that they can’t find their way out of.  Bowmore has always been in charge of this duty and took it very seriously.  He would observe the humans as they arrived, patrol the gathering area to check they were all where they should be and then monitor their departure.  Of course, as he got older he didn’t quite have the stamina to stay up late so liked to bark loudly at them as soon as they had finished feeding to make sure they left so he could go to bed.

Now that I have had to add human counting to my duties, I have decided to apply a more modern approach to this job.  I see myself as more of an ambassador to our kennel.  Last night was the first time that I have had the opportunity to really put this new approach into practice.  I put my best scarf on and greeted each human enthusiastically and showed them one of my toys to put them at ease, then guided them to the main human gathering area.  I spent the rest of the evening schmoozing and checking they were enjoying the food which of course led them to give me samples so that I could offer my opinion.  At the end of the evening, I helped escort them to the kennel exit and checked that they all got into their motorized dog carriers so that I was really sure they were truly off the premises.

As a first cut, I think this new approach worked pretty well.  The humans all seemed to enjoy themselves and I don’t think realized that they were being monitored, but man, was it exhausting.

 Talisker

Bears Eat Free

A few dog years ago when it was cold outside, my brother and I would go quite often with our humans to stay in a kennel surrounded by white slippy stuff.  They like to strap boards on their feet and slide down hills covered in it.

One evening we went out with Daddy for our evening sniff and saw a big black guy called Mr Bear.  We’ve always been taught that it’s polite to introduce yourself to strangers, but Daddy wouldn’t let us.  He told us that the Bear family are not well brought up and are people we really don’t want to mix with.

On further investigation, it would appear that the Bears like to help themselves to human food and have little regard for their property while they are doing so which is the height of bad manners.  They obviously don't have a Mummy like mine.  I tried taking human food a few times, but she’s really scary when she catches me and she always catches me.

Now, I can understand that humans want to protect their property, but I don’t think it’s good for business for human feeding stations to offer to feed Bear’s for free.  I mean, would you really want to eat in a place sitting next to a load of big hairy ill-mannered guys with long claws?

Talisker