How Toby got his Wag Back

As fish retrievers, swimming is in our blood.  On Sunday our humans went to eat human kibble with their friends at a kennel with a hole in the ground with water, so you can imagine our excitement when we were told that not only were we allowed to swim, but one of the humans that lived there threw yellow fluffy balls into the water for us to fetch. 

 

I have to admit to being a little rusty as I haven’t been swimming since my first lesson last year.  It took a little time for me to get the hang of it, but Talisker’s a good swimmer and gave me some pointers, like use all four feet to paddle and most useful of all, use your tail to steer.  I didn’t learn that last year, but man does it make the whole swimming thing easier.  Eventually Talisker told me it was time to get out of the water and go and check out the human kibble.  I was enjoying myself too much and kept going until Daddy spoiled all my fun and made me join Talisker under the table.

 

When we got back to our kennel I was exhausted and went straight to bed.  That’s why they call it “dog tired.”  The problem happened when I woke up.  I’m always happy to see our humans in the morning and wag my tail enthusiastically to show how much I love them, but it wouldn’t stand up and wag.  Do you have any idea how frustrating that is?  Talisker told me it was my own fault because I didn’t get out of the water when he told me to so had worn my tail out.  The worst bit is that when we had to sit before eating our breakfast, my tail hurt.  Mummy was really mean all day, calling me “Mr Droopy Tail” and Daddy said they should give me one of the little blue treats that humans eat when their tails don’t stand up.

 

Finally Mummy took pity on me and spoke with our Doctor on the talking box who advised giving me one of the treats that Talisker gets when his leg hurts.  I’ve always wondered why he’s so happy when he gets those things and now I understand.  Everything outside the front of our kennel looked much less threatening and didn’t seem to need barking at and the best part of all, my tail stopped hurting and I got my wag back.

Tobermory

Proof of Adoption

Mummy’s picture box got sick last week.  When we get sick, she always makes sure that we go to the best doctor available to repair us, so of course she did the same for her picture box and sent it to special doctors that only repair that breed.

Yesterday Mummy received an upsetting note from the picture box doctors telling her that they would not repair it because it has a number on it that says it was not born in this land.  She told them she has proof of adoption from here, but they said they need adoption papers from the land it came from.

 

Our humans have little blue books that prove they belong here.  I just checked these books carefully and am distressed to find that it is written very clearly that they were not born in this land.  As the senior dog in this kennel responsible for human care, this leaves me very concerned that if they get sick, I might have difficulty finding a human doctor to repair them.

Talisker

Abandonment

I don’t know what’s going on but it upsets me.  Last night Daddy put some of his body covers in an evil black box with wheels.  This usually happens before we go to have a sleepover with our friend, Truman, but Mummy helped and didn’t put any of her body covers in an evil black box.  I’ve never seen this happen before.

We all went to sleep as normal, Daddy gave us breakfast this morning and then a yellow human carrier took him away.  Mummy was still under her bird fur and seemed to be completely unconcerned.   Talisker says this is normal behavior as the yellow human carrier transports Daddy to a flying metal tube that takes him to far away places to earn dog biscuits.  I don’t buy it.  I checked the dog biscuit storage and there are plenty there.  There’s something really fishy going on here.  I don’t trust Mummy and Talisker.  They have to be hiding something but all I can do for the moment is sit on the bottom step by the entrance to our kennel and hope Daddy comes back soon.  I’ll have to reevaluate the situation tomorrow.

Tobermory

It's All About Mummy

Humans have a lot of interesting customs, some of which I find very confusing, like the one where bunnies leave brightly colored eggs in long grass for human puppies to find.  However, there are some that are a great idea.  Yesterday was a good example.  Humans dedicated the whole day to doing nice things for their Mummies.  Tobermory and I are particularly fond of ours so we thought we should join in on this custom.

 

We started the day by giving Mummy a really good face clean.  Humans wriggle around when we clean their faces, so it’s best to catch them just as they are waking up so that you can trap them under the big bag full of bird fur that they sleep under.  We then took her to a human feeding station where we could sit under the table so that we could help finish the food that she and Daddy couldn’t eat.

 

There is one question that I have.  There are days called Dog Days.  Is that when we're supposed to get special care from our humans?

Talisker





Talisker Turns 5

Talisker turned 5 human years last week.  This is a big deal for a dog.  Mummy’s parents understand this so travelled all the way from the far away land they live in on a flying metal tube in recognition of this milestone.  I invited lots of our friends to help celebrate and Mummy made a cake with orange vegetables and nut butter in it.   This is a different kind of butter from the stuff she puts on her crispy bread in the morning.  That’s cow butter and not nearly as tasty.

The cake is really good, but the best part is the cheese from small human kennels that Mummy puts on top of it.  Our humans get it all over their paws while they’re giving the cake to us so we have to clean them off.  Humans are pretty tasty to lick but when they are covered in small human kennel cheese, human licking is a completely different experience.

Tobermory

Extravagant Gifts

For some time, Truman’s humans have been replacing lots of the old pieces of their kennel with new and improved ones.  He’s been making himself useful, helping the humans doing the replacing while his have been out earning dog biscuits to pay them however, last week his offers of help were shunned.  Not even his humans were allowed to stay at their kennel so they all slept in ours.

 

Every day we go for a neighborhood sniff with our humans to keep them exercised.  As hospitable hosts, we of course invited Truman to join us.  He’s been working very hard as a human feeding bowl pre-washer and expressed interest in finding a gift for his humans while we were out.  He believed that he had earned enough dog biscuits to find something nice and shiny and new for them and wanted us to help him find something suitable.

 

We sniffed our way past lots of kennels offering shiny new things but none of them caught Truman’s eye until we came to a big sign with “Bentley” written on it.  There were lots of really shiny motorized dog carriers behind it and he decided that this was what he wanted to get for his humans.

 

Now, I don’t know what Truman has been sniffing, but whatever is in the new pieces of his kennel have seriously affected his grasp on reality.  Have you seen the sticker price of all those motorized dog carriers behind the Bentley sign?  He’s going to have to lick a lot more human feeding bowls before he can even buy a picture of the little wings on the front of one of those things.

 

Talisker



Poor Judgment

As Chief of Security in this kennel, it is my job with the aid of Tobermory to ensure the safety of our humans at all times.  It always concerns me when they go away without us but they seem to return unscathed.  I have therefore in the past been of the opinion that they must be sensible about only going to places that are safe for humans without their security detail.

 

Last week we went for a play date at Truman's kennel which turned into a sleepover.  This is always a telltale sign that our humans have decided to go on an adventure on their own.  I tried not to worry and was relieved when they returned safely, although I have to admit to being a little indignant when I saw the boards strapped to the top of the motorized dog carrier.  They had obviously snuck off to slide down hills covered in white slippy stuff without considering that we might want to play in it too.

 

On their way home, our humans stopped to slide down some big hills at a place called Kirkwood.  Sliding down slippy stuff can be very hazardous so I was upset with them that not only did they go there without our supervision, but also that it was a place unknown to us.  There's a reason why we have such big noses.  It’s so that we can run proper security sweeps which humans just can’t do with their little noses.   You’d think they might have worked out the true purpose of our daily neighborhood sniffs by now, especially Mummy who has had a canine security detail her entire life.

 

I was checking through the pictures on Mummy’s picture box to see if I could see any evidence of potential hazards when I saw a picture of a sign stating “Dogs, keep your owners on a leash.”  Firstly, we take care of our humans so it is obvious that we own them and not the other way around.  Secondly, I now seriously question their judgment when they walked straight past such a blatant warning that it was unsafe for them to be there without canine protection.

Talisker