Size Matters

Everyone knows that I am partial to a good game of fetch and I don’t have a lot of regard for the human ability to play the game.  However, there are a group of human Giants from San Francisco who seem to have really got the game nailed, although they call it baseball.  I don’t understand the reason for giving it a fancyname.  After all, fetching a ball is fetching a ball.

2 years ago they won against a bunch of Cardinals which really was not too surprising.  After all, birds really are no match for Giants.  This year they played against Royals from Kansas.  I don’t know much about Royals from there, but I know that the Royals in the United Kingdom where our humans come from are renowned for their sports ability.  I assume that all Royals are related so the Kansas ones are probably equally talented.  The Giants had their work cut out for them.  It took them over a week, but right at the end they came out as the victors tonight.  Hey, they’re Giants.  Obviously size does matter.

Talisker

Olive, the Dancing Queen

Our friend, Truman has a new little sister called Olive.  Tobermory and I have been trying to work out what her role in their kennel is.  She isn’t very big so obviously won’t be helping with security.  However, she seems to excel in her ability to entertain humans, with dancing being her specialty for which she has quite a talent.  Who would have thought you could persuade a floor cleaning snake to be a dancing partner.

Talisker

Ball-Napping

My favorite ball has gone missing.  Some time ago, Daddy hid it under a sofa cushion so I thought it was still there and needed to be rescued.   I had to throw all the cushions off and move all the pieces around just in case it had fallen between them.  The ball wasn’t there.

There are a lot of dogs in this neighborhood and I think it’s been ball-napped by one of them.  I checked the dog food closet and there are plenty of dog biscuits so I’m ready for the ransom demand.

Tobermory

Let Them Eat Cake

I’m now 3 human years.  Not many people know this, but 3 is a very important age for a fish retriever.  Mummy says it’s when we become mature and sensible.  Talisker told me that means I can’t jump on humans when they come into our kennel and I have to be less talkative.  Humans greet friends by looking each other in the eye and hugging so why can’t I do it too?  I pointed out that he does it, but he claims that he just balances on his hind legs and shakes hands which for some reason they seem to find cute.  I’m a heart on my fur kind of dog and believe in hugging the humans I love when they come to visit and what’s so wrong with enthusiastically vocalizing that love?

In the past, I’ve had lots of my friends over to celebrate my Birthday.  This time Mummy said we no longer have a large enough area of green stuff outside so only Truman, Olive and Sparky were allowed to come.  As ever, Mummy made me a cake.  She makes really good cakes.  They have the orange vegetables that rabbits like, bee juice and squashed peanuts in them, topped with cheese from small human kennels.  I’ve heard my humans say that many human generations ago a very prominent human is famous for saying “let them eat cake.”   If there’s cake to be had, I’m definitely eating it.

Tobermory

Shaky Ground

I’m sure all of you who follow our adventures have realized by now that our humans are particularly dedicated to their pursuit of good falling over juice.  When they find one, they tell all their friends and get together to buy a lot so that they don’t have to pay as much green stuff as humans who buy it one bottle at a time.

Recently, our humans had to collect a lot of falling over juice from one of our favorite falling over juice kennels in Sonoma, Nicholson Ranch.  There was too much to fit in Daddy’s motorized dog carrier so we borrowed their friend’s with no cover on the trunk.  When we retrieved it, he said to us “don’t go near Napa”.  I didn’t really understand this until we heard on the talking box on the way that there had been shaky ground that morning and the box was telling humans not to go there unless they had to.  Kennels had fallen over and lights and moving picture frames on the wall inside lots of kennels wouldn’t work.  Our humans are very serious about collecting falling over juice and shaky ground wasn’t going to frighten them away.

 

Supervising the collection of falling over juice is really hard work.  This time, all the humans who got frightened by their talking boxes weren’t out in their motorized dog carriers so we got home really quickly.  The talking on box completely failed to warn us about shaky ground interfering with nap time.

Talisker

Save the Water

Once in a while,  very kind friends of our humans who understand the importance of fish retrievers like us keeping up our swimming skills, invite us to play in their holes in the ground with water.

I have spent the last 2½ years trying to teach Tobermory to swim properly.  He did some research on the writing box and discovered something that small human puppies do which they call “doggy paddle.”  I have repeatedly explained to him that they don’t have webbed paws and a tail to use as a rudder.  This is why they look so ungainly when trying to emulate our swimming prowess and he really should not try to copy their technique.

Finally, I have persuaded him to use his natural tools.  Now Tobermory keeps his paws under the water instead of using them to splash in the mistaken belief that this provides forward motion.  He also uses his tail for steering which is what it was intended for, other than clearing those stupid little tables that humans like to put in front of sofas.

 

Now, if I could just make him understand that diving is also supposed to be elegant.   I’m all in favor of Tobermory doing his own research to find out new ways of doing things, but I wish he would take a little guidance from me.  He has now discovered the “bomb dive.”  Whilst I understand how much fun it is, we are in a drought and he needs to learn a streamlined dive to keep the water in its proper place.

Talisker

Peeing in the kennel has consequences

There used to be a big metal box in a cupboard that hummed loudly sometimes.  I’m not sure when it decided it was time to hum but somehow when it was cold outside, if it hummed, the inside of the kennel would get warmer and when it was hot outside, the kennel would get cooler.   A little while ago, when it came to the end of a hum, we could hear it peeing in the cupboard.

When we were puppies, Mummy got very scary if we peed inside so we learnt very quickly that life is much more comfortable if you go in the garden.  The metal box refused to listen so suffered the ultimate punishment.  Mummy sent it away, but it didn’t go easily.  It took three humans with big bags of metal extracting instruments several hours to remove it.  They didn’t seem to be enjoying the task much, which is not very surprising.  A metal box that pees in its cupboard obviously has no regard for personal hygiene.  I think they must also have suspected it might try to hide under the kennel, because the human in charge sent one of the others through a hole in the floor to catch it.

 

We now have a new metal box in the cupboard.  It has much better manners, doesn’t hum nearly as loudly and has obviously heard how scary Mummy can be as it hasn’t peed inside once since it came to live with us.

Tobermory