Security Threats

There is a weak point in the security shield of our kennel that the humans seem to be completely oblivious of, and that is the moving picture frame on the wall.  They just sit there quietly watching it while creatures that do not belong with us flaunt their ability to get into our kennel without permission.  I watch really carefully and try my hardest to scare the bad ones off.  The worst is the little green dude who blatantly tries to sell insurance to our humans while they are caught off guard eating their dinner.  I can't believe his audacity.  He just can’t leave us alone.  We have stayed in kennels far away from home with moving picture frames on the wall and that annoying little green guy still finds us there.

Talisker

Human puppies are fun in water

I learnt something new this weekend.  Humans can swim.  We went to visit Bowmore’s old friend Levi.  He used to live in a kennel next to ours but his Daddy wants to grow bunches of the little round things that humans use to make falling over juice, so they moved to a place where the kennels aren’t so close to each other.  Levi’s new kennel has a hole in the ground with water but he told me that since he acquired it later in life he has little interest in learning a new sport.  However, it would appear that his human puppy is really quite agile in water which I find very impressive since she doesn’t have webbed paws like me.  Not only does she swim, but she throws balls in the water and also likes to dive in after them.  I had always assumed that holes in the ground with water were purely for our benefit but am delighted to know that I can have fun with human puppies in them too.

Talisker

Counting Humans

Last night lots of humans came to socialize with ours.  Humans get lost easily so it’s very important to count each one in and check the same number leave just in case any of them need to be rescued from a corner of the kennel that they can’t find their way out of.  Bowmore has always been in charge of this duty and took it very seriously.  He would observe the humans as they arrived, patrol the gathering area to check they were all where they should be and then monitor their departure.  Of course, as he got older he didn’t quite have the stamina to stay up late so liked to bark loudly at them as soon as they had finished feeding to make sure they left so he could go to bed.

Now that I have had to add human counting to my duties, I have decided to apply a more modern approach to this job.  I see myself as more of an ambassador to our kennel.  Last night was the first time that I have had the opportunity to really put this new approach into practice.  I put my best scarf on and greeted each human enthusiastically and showed them one of my toys to put them at ease, then guided them to the main human gathering area.  I spent the rest of the evening schmoozing and checking they were enjoying the food which of course led them to give me samples so that I could offer my opinion.  At the end of the evening, I helped escort them to the kennel exit and checked that they all got into their motorized dog carriers so that I was really sure they were truly off the premises.

As a first cut, I think this new approach worked pretty well.  The humans all seemed to enjoy themselves and I don’t think realized that they were being monitored, but man, was it exhausting.

 Talisker

Bears Eat Free

A few dog years ago when it was cold outside, my brother and I would go quite often with our humans to stay in a kennel surrounded by white slippy stuff.  They like to strap boards on their feet and slide down hills covered in it.

One evening we went out with Daddy for our evening sniff and saw a big black guy called Mr Bear.  We’ve always been taught that it’s polite to introduce yourself to strangers, but Daddy wouldn’t let us.  He told us that the Bear family are not well brought up and are people we really don’t want to mix with.

On further investigation, it would appear that the Bears like to help themselves to human food and have little regard for their property while they are doing so which is the height of bad manners.  They obviously don't have a Mummy like mine.  I tried taking human food a few times, but she’s really scary when she catches me and she always catches me.

Now, I can understand that humans want to protect their property, but I don’t think it’s good for business for human feeding stations to offer to feed Bear’s for free.  I mean, would you really want to eat in a place sitting next to a load of big hairy ill-mannered guys with long claws?

Talisker

Soaking Dead Plants

For all you regular readers, you will know that at the time of year when the air is warm and it’s bright outside, my humans like to go to a field in the middle of our town every week to listen to howling humans.  Personally, I can’t see the attraction but they seem to enjoy it and a lot of their friends join them and share falling over juice with each other.

For the last couple of years, this has been quite stressful for me as a lot of dogs bring their humans.  I had to keep a really good watch out for my old brother to make sure that young dogs didn’t bother him so I’ve really not had the chance to socialize properly for a while.  Now I get to chat and am finding out lots of interesting stuff.  I met a little guy called Rocco.  His pack come from Boston which he told me is on the opposite side of this land and is known for big tea parties.  Humans make tea by soaking dead plants in hot water and it really doesn’t smell good.  Daddy drinks a lot of it which I have never understood but Rocco solved the mystery for me.  Two dog lives ago, Daddy lived in a kennel near Boston.  I haven’t yet had a chance to check on the dangers of tea, but I am a little concerned that he may have developed an addiction to it.

Talisker

Strange Fish

It’s always good to get a little light relief from my busy schedule so I was delighted when my humans told me last weekend that we were taking the motorized dog carrier for a trip to Sonoma.  I’ve been going there with my humans and brother since I was a small pup and know when we’re nearly there because the motorized dog carrier moves slower and the windows open so that I can jam all the wonderful smells up my nose.  Damn!  That place smells good.  I feel quite sorry for the humans because they obviously can’t fully enjoy the experience with those tiny noses.

We went to a falling over juice kennel called Schug Winery.  Usually, my humans just test the produce, but this time they joined other humans to eat very strange looking red fish with claws.  It would appear that when eating these fish it is traditional to wear white plastic scarves showing pictures of them.  And, I have to add that I can’t really see the attraction of eating a fish that has such hard skin that they have to beat it with heavy objects to get the meat out.  What’s wrong with a soft skinned fish like salmon although I have to admit that the hard skinned fish did taste pretty good.

I was hoping that we would be going home after this.  You have to remember that dogs need at least 20 hours of good sleep a day, but they insisted on stopping at Nicholson Ranch to collect more falling over juice so I didn’t even get a comfortable sleep back to the kennel.

Talisker

Beat the Heat

Do you have any idea what hard work it is taking care of two humans all on your own?  I have to keep a constant look out for potential threats to the kennel.  Although Bowmore’s hearing wasn’t too good, I never realized what a help that extra pair of ears was.

My humans have spent the last few weeks complaining about the water falling out of the sky.  I have to admit that we have had a lot of it which really doesn’t help me improve my Frisbee catching skills as Mummy refuses to throw it, citing some problem with my tearing up the green stuff outside.  This weekend has been particularly hot which you would have thought would give my ears a break from the whining, but oh no.  They complained about that too.  Do you hear me complain and I have to walk around in a fur coat?

Luckily, I met this cute chick called Bella who lives with her humans in a kennel with a big hole in the ground with water.  I of course turned on the charm so got invited over to cool off and took the opportunity to show off my swimming prowess.  She was pretty impressed but is not much of a swimmer.  She said something about not liking to get her fur wet, but man, are those California blondes hot.  Did you see the length of those legs?  She’s not interested in a casual fling and I’m just not the settling down type, but if I change my mind, Bella’s going to have to watch out.

Talisker