Cover Dog Aspirations

Tobermory is aspiring to be a Cover Dog.  In my observations of humans I have noticed that exceptional examples of the species get their picture on the big floppy books that live in the mail box.  I know Tobermory is a handsome kid, but until I learnt what he was really up to I thought he had some serious delusions of grandeur.

 

Mummy spends a lot of time working with the Pacific Stroke Association helping humans recovering from their brains falling out like hers did.  Tobermory has been observing this and decided that he needs to do something to help sick dogs.

 

Our beds come from a floppy book called Orvis which holds competitions for dogs to be their Cover Dog.  Humans vote on which dog they think is the cutest, but in order to vote, they have to give a little of the green stuff that buys dog biscuits to help canine cancer research and the Morris Animal Foundation.

 

I know that Tobermory can be a little trying to live with sometimes, but this time I am very proud of the kid.  He spent a considerable amount of time searching through all the pictures that Mummy takes with her picture box and found one that she calls "Never let go of the things you love."  He thinks it best shows off his good side and of course includes his favorite bone.  I have to admit that it is a pretty good bone.  I try to sneak it away from him when he's not watching which has become particularly difficult since he started sleeping with it in his mouth.

 

Please follow this link, www.orvis.com/coverdog and help Tobermory achieve his goal of becoming an Orvis Cover Dog to help sick dogs.

Talisker

Super Ball

Last weekend we watched humans play fetch on the moving picture frame on the wall.  Talisker was being very scathing about their inability to follow the correct rules of the game.  I personally think the rules are open to interpretation and these humans seemed to pretty much follow my thinking on the subject.

 

The whole purpose of playing fetch is to fetch the ball.  If someone else gets the ball first it’s obvious to me that the only sensible course of action is to jump on top of them and grab it.  I use this method of ball retrieval regularly and seeing all those big humans do the same, confirmed to me that despite what Talisker thinks, this is a perfectly legitimate tactic.  It makes fetch far more exciting which is why this version of the game is called “Super Ball.” 

There is however one thing that surprises me.  It’s my understanding that there are supposed to be 49 humans in the pack that wear red and gold body covers, but I could only count 11.  If the other 38 had turned up to jump on the black and white ones, they would have had a much better chance of winning.

Tobermory

Becoming American

Last week, Mummy became an American.  She had to learn lots of stuff about this land and pass a test to get a piece of paper to say she belongs here.  Tobermory and I are Americans and I guess they must be much tougher on humans, because the only test we ever took involved us sitting, lying down and coming to humans when they asked us to.  We got extra points for shaking paws with them, quite a peculiar human custom.  You can learn so much more about someone from sniffing their butt.

I heard Daddy testing Mummy and some of the questions he asked involved knowing the names of famous humans and what they did to have them remembered in the history books of this land.  One thing confuses me.  I didn’t hear any mention of dogs that should be remembered so I would like to suggest a few historical dog facts that should be included.

About 250 human years ago, there was a big fight between the humans in the top and bottom of this land.  A very successful human fighter for the top of the land called General Custer was well known for his canine officers who advised him on fight tactics.  These dogs obviously had a major role in our democracy.

Of course, we must not forget the role of dogs around 100 human years ago who served during World War 1.   They helped to preserve freedom for lots of lands, not just ours.  One memorable canine soldier is Stubby.  He served in the 102^nd Infantry, 26^th Division.  His secret weapon was his particularly powerful nose which he used to warn the humans when there was bad stuff in the air.  His most famous act was to use his nose to find a bad human who was watching the ones he protected, for which he was awarded the honor of being the only dog in history to be promoted to the rank of Sergeant through combat.

More recently, a little under 2 human years ago, I wrote about a dog who helped a group of seals catch the leader of a very dangerous pack of humans who hung out in a land with lots of sand.  I’m still confused as to why humans trusted such an important task to a bunch of water dwellers.  Their aqua skills cannot be disputed, but when it comes to dry land, it's obvious a whole pack of dogs would have done a quicker job.

Talisker

Holidays ...?

In this land, humans call the few weeks at the end of each year “the holidays”.  I have to admit to being a little confused as to how these weeks earn this name as they are anything but a holiday.  Our humans put a big tree in the house covered with lots of sparkly toys which adds extra duties to my usual security detail as Tobermory thinks the toys are there for his benefit and it’s my job to stop him eating them.

It all starts when Mummy puts red and white fluffy collars with little bells on us before going for our neighborhood sniff after the sun has gone to bed.  We stand in a field in the middle of our town with lots of other similarly humiliatingly clad dogs and their humans until a big tree suddenly lights up with lots of brightly colored stars.  I don’t really understand what the fuss is about, but humans amuse easily and get very excited about it, especially the small ones.

 

And then there’s the annual photo shoot.  Mummy seems to think it’s necessary to send a picture of us sitting with an old dude who doesn’t seem to think there’s a problem with wearing a red body cover with white fluffy trim.  This year she excelled herself by making us wear antlers too.  We tried to shake them off but the human with the picture box was too quick.  The only comfort I can find in having to suffer this indignity is that to get these pictures, Mummy has to give some of the green stuff that buys dog biscuits to help dogs less fortunate than us.

 

Of course, our security duty gets dramatically increased during this time which leaves little time for writing.  All the kennels in our neighborhood have extra motorized dog carriers outside, necessitating increased vigilance when it comes to threat assessment.  On top of this, there is one day when lots of humans come and go from our kennel all afternoon.  We sit at the entrance and try to count them in and out, but even with 16 toes, 2 ears and a tail each, it can be really easy to lose track.  The only upside is that the humans leave lots of toys and treats under the tree that we get to play with the next morning.

 

At last the tree has hibernated in the garage until the next holiday season and all the toys have crawled back into their boxes under the stairs.  Finally we get a chance to relax and return life to normal.

Talisker

Bad Tricks

Yesterday was a bad day.  I was tricked, and not just once.

First up was Mummy.  She put our walking harnesses on and let us climb into her motorized dog carrier.  We hadn’t been out yet so of course came to the natural assumption that we were going somewhere fun for a really good sniff.  She then stopped outside the kennel where we meet our doctor and took us inside and tried to get me to stand on the evil black mat with flashing numbers on it.  I don’t like that mat.  Last time we had to stand on it, Mummy cut our breakfast in half so I refused to get on it.  One of the female humans at the kennel put a particularly tasty looking snack on the mat.  Well, of course I had to go and investigate and stupidly forgot about the evil mat.  Tricked again.

The next bit was pretty good.  Our doctor gave me a big hug, tickled my tummy and gave my legs a good squeeze.  I hardly even noticed when there was a little prick in my neck.  He said that was to stop me getting sick.  Then Talisker ruined it all.  He told our doctor that I smell bad.  I was then taken to another room where pieces of me were squeezed that no self-respecting dog should have squeezed.  Talisker’s was definitely the worst trick of them all.

Tobermory

Bugs

Mummy’s been particularly lazy for the last couple of days.  She’s spending longer than usual under the bird fur in the morning and then gets back under it as soon as she’s finished her dinner.  She says she has a bug inside her.  I don’t understand why that should make her lethargic.  Tobermory eats bugs all the time so must have lots inside him and I haven’t noticed any decrease in his energy level.  I think Mummy is really making excuses for consuming too much of the big bird that we thanked for letting us eat it last Thursday.  We all felt sleepy after that.

Talisker

The Forever Collar

Today I got my “forever” collar.  It’s really cool.  It’s made of cow skin and looks just like Talisker’s.  He says it’s a privilege to be given this special collar.  It means our humans have decided it’s time for me to be a trusted member of the family.  He did, however, give me a list of things that this trust entails:

1.       No more grabbing Mummy’s socks out of her running shoes and making her chase me around the house for them.

2.       No more digging holes in the green stuff that covers the garden.

3.       No more eating base boards or windowsills.

4.       No more shouting in the morning when I’m bored and want the humans to get out of their bird fur and come and play with me.

5.       No more eating bits of the motorized dog carriers.

6.       No more eating Mummy’s plants.

In my defense I would like to address each of these:

1.       Sock chasing is a game and Mummy obviously enjoys it.  You can tell this by the squeals she makes while she’s chasing me.

2.       There are evil things under the green stuff in the garden and I am merely attempting catch and destroy tactics to protect our humans from them.  I have to admit that I have not had much success, but I know they’re down there.

3.       If the humans gave me more elk horns, I wouldn’t need to eat the kennel.

4.       Oh come on … they sleep way too long.

5.       Please see answer 3.

6.       They taste good, so what’s your point.

I think I’ve defended myself adequately.  Do I get to keep the cow skin collar?

Tobermory