Remembering

Monday was a day when we remember the brave humans from this country and the dogs that fought beside them to ensure that we have plenty of kibble and a nice kennel to live in.

I have been doing extensive research for my book and I was amazed to find out that there are around 2,500 dogs in military service with at least 700 deployed at any one time with a little under 200,000 humans.  That means that each dog has around 275 humans to take care of and they have to chase bad guys too.  There are 2 of us in our kennel with 2 humans who we can mostly keep in our line of site which is still a challenge.  The thought of watching 275 humans leaves me with a whole new admiration for these courageous canines.

Talisker

Falling Over Juice Theft

This weekend our humans went to visit their favorite falling over juice kennel, Testarossa.  The purpose of the trip was to find out how well the young falling over juice was growing.  Before they left, I overheard Mummy telling Daddy that she had paid to take a thief with them into the falling over juice nursery.  I found this very disturbing on several counts.

I have always considered our humans to be of high moral standing.  Stealing is bad, and I know this because whenever I try to steal something from the kitchen counter, Mummy growls at me really loudly.  I also don’t understand why they would pay a thief to help them steal juvenile falling over juice when they could just pay for bottles of the mature stuff.

Tobermory

Anyone for Cake?

We have been very quiet for a while.   Four human years ago, Mummy started to spend more and more time out earning the green stuff that buys us dog biscuits.  She always took her writing box with her which seriously hindered our ability to connect with our extended family of readers.  I am pleased to say that she now has got her priorities straight and is spending more time at our kennel with us and is allowing us access to her writing box again.

A lot has happened since we last wrote.  I have now officially turned over my Head of Security duties to Tobermory.  He’s sometimes a little over enthusiastic, but for the best part does an excellent job.

 

Tobermory has always been a very thoughtful pup and so when I turned 10 in human years last week, he threw a Birthday/Retirement Party for me.  He had all our best buddies over and Mummy made her famous carrot cake with cottage cheese frosting.  Tobermory tried to use it as a seduction tool for our Great Dane friend Loki, but she wasn’t having any of it.  We of course had plenty of falling over juice on hand to keep the humans occupied with appropriate edible antidotes on hand.

Now I need a retirement project.  In the 3 years that I spent with my dearly departed brother Bowmore, he taught me as much as he could about the care of humans, but in the subsequent seven years, from personal experience, I have learnt a whole lot more that needs to be documented.

I am now writing a guide to young dogs on the care of humans.  Tobermory will be filling in for me on writing our blog while I’m busy, but I will have the time for the occasional post to update you on our view of the world.

Talisker

Best Ball

This is my best ball.  The nice humans who live next door to our old kennel gave it to me when they came to visit last week.  It squeaks at me when I give it a little squeeze so I know it loves me too.   I take it everywhere with me just in case it gets lonely.

I have heard our humans talk about playing with their best ball.  I don’t understand why they wouldn’t take their best ball everywhere with them, so when Mummy was out today, I took advantage of using her writing box to do a little research and see what humans consider to be the correct treatment for their best ball.  I was very upset by my findings.

Daddy came from the land where male humans wear skirts which is where the game of coaxing little white balls across fields with sticks was started.  I know that our humans have bags full of these sticks which, with a team of three other humans they use to coax the little white balls to fly across fields.  From what I can understand, in the land we live in, sometimes they play something called a scramble with their long sticks (I find this very confusing because I thought this was something Daddy does with eggs on Sunday mornings).  The most athletic ball that flies the furthest then gets hit by all four of the humans.  I would never treat my best ball that way.

Tobermory

Smoking a Chicken

Mummy said she’s going to smoke a chicken tonight.  I study the moving picture screen on the wall avidly so I've seen bad humans wearing felt head covers who drive old, square motorized dog carriers talking about smoking someone and they do it with a gun.  Firstly, there are no guns in this kennel.  Secondly, I had a good look at the chicken and it looks pretty dead to me so why would it need to be smoked?

Tobermory

Going to the Dogs

There’s a big competition going on right now between humans to decide who is going to move into a big white kennel and be the next leader of this land.  It goes on all year and starts with lots of them who get eliminated along the way.  Now there are just two battling it out.

I’ve been trying to work out how the competition works and from what I can tell, the competitors see how many bad things they can find to say about the others and the winner is the one who can invent the most believable bad things.  I think a new level has now been added.  Our humans had some friends over to share falling over juice with them and I overheard them saying the competition has gone to the dogs. Lots of humans living in the big white kennel have had canine advisers so it makes sense that the dogs' opinion should be taken into account.  The current residents didn’t have any when they moved in, but quickly realized their importance and picked wisely.  The first to join them was Bo who was soon after joined by Sonny.  They’re Portuguese so obviously are particularly useful when it comes advice on foreign affairs.

Now, if this competition really has gone to the dogs, why have we not heard from the human finalists' canine advisers? If they don’t have any, they need to get some.  They are bound to talk more sense.

Talisker

It's OK to Gnaw Cell Phones

Just lately, Mummy has been spending a lot of time with her writing box and then takes it with her when she leaves the kennel.  This has made it particularly difficult for me to keep up with current affairs.  However, I have worked out that she spends all Friday morning outside decapitating plants before the guy with the big blowing machine comes.  I know what you’re thinking … isn’t the guy with the big blowing machine supposed to do that?  Don’t tell her or I may lose my little bit of writing box time.

Last Friday while Mummy was decapitating plants, I discovered a piece of research.  Did you know that it’s really unhygienic to kiss humans?  They have 1½ times more nasty stuff in their mouths than dogs.  I think we’re OK though.  Our humans spend a lot of time pulling pieces of string through their teeth and scrubbing them with humming brushes.

The next statistic … dog bowls are less hygienic than the prongy things humans use to move food from their plates to their mouths.  I’m not sure where they got the data from, but we have lots of bowls and Mummy puts them in the automatic bowl washing box every day with all the human feeding utensils, so again, I think we’re safe there.

Now, the last statistic is very interesting.  Dog toys have way more nasty stuff on them than human toys.  This one I can believe.  Tobermory regularly leaves our toys outside in the garden but our humans usually keep their mobile talking boxes in the protective environment of the pouches in their body covers.  This research suggests that if I have an urge for a really good gnaw, it would be much better for my health if I sink my teeth into one of our humans’ mobile talking boxes.

Talisker