Talisker, the Linguist

When the big black human carrier comes to take Daddy to the flying metal tube kennel, he makes Talisker and me promise to take care of Mummy while he’s away earning dog biscuits.  I’ve been doing this for a long time so can do it very well from my day bed in her writing box room.

Daddy has been away for a long time and Talisker is now getting worried that some threat outside has prevented him from returning.  I tried telling him that tomorrow we are all getting in the motorized dog carrier to go and get him from the flying metal tube kennel, but he doesn't believe me. He’s convinced the threat outside is higher than normal so has spent all day sitting on the viewing platform barking.

Now, I’ve done a bit of barking in my day, but even in my books, this was excessive. He reached the peak around dinner time at a moment when Mummy had the talking box to her ear.  I could see that crazy look she gets in her eyes sometimes, she asked the talking box to hold on and then spoke very loudly to Talisker in a language I didn’t understand.  It had a lot of very short words in it. Apparently, in the land Mummy comes from this language is called Anglo Saxon. Whatever she said, Talisker stopped barking.

In all my long years I have never had the opportunity to hear enough Anglo Saxon to understand what is being said, so I can only draw the conclusion that Talisker must have a gift for languages to understand whatever Mummy said to make him be quiet.

Bowmore

Smoked Weeds

We all had a relaxing day today. Bowmore was tired from entertaining humans yesterday so napped in the room with no walls while I helped Mummy play with her plants, only in an advisory capacity of course.

It’s usually very quiet in our garden but there was a gathering of humans at one of the kennels nearby who were obviously having a good time. Eventually one of the humans started to pull strings on a wooden box. I recognized the sound because Daddy has a wooden box with strings. Other humans started to howl and Bowmore thought they’d drunk too much falling over juice. Mummy said she thought they were smoking weeds.

There’s a kennel near us where Mummy goes to get pieces of dead cow to cook on the fire box outside. The humans who own the kennel smoke pig ears for us which are really tasty. Mummy pulled lots of weeds out of the garden today and I didn’t know they could be smoked, but I think she should take them to the dead cow humans to see if they taste as good as smoked pig ears.

Talisker

Volcano Gods

Just lately Daddy has been complaining about having his life disrupted by “Volcano Gods”.  He says they throw ash in the air that flying metal tubes can’t go through which is how he gets to the far away lands where he earns dog biscuits.  From what I can work out, Volcano Gods live in a place called Iceland.  It’s very cold there so they keep warm around big fires.

When I was a young pup just a little older than Talisker, before our humans had our kennel fixed (it was very old and pieces of it kept falling off) we kept warm by a hole in the wall with fire that made lots of ash.  Mummy put all the ash from the hole in the wall in a bucket every day to take it out of the kennel so the fire could work properly.  Dadddy should give the Volcano Gods a new ash bucket because they must have lost theirs or they wouldn’t have started to throw to throw ash in the air to get rid of it.

Bowmore

Don't let writing boxes drink falling over juice

You may all wonder why you haven’t heard from me for a while.

Recently, Talisker and I were relaxing after dinner when we heard a loud growl from Mummy. Talisker is used to hearing her growl when he’s done something wrong and couldn’t work out what he’d done so went to hide in his cave.

From what I could see from my day bed, it looked like her writing box had tried to drink her falling over juice while she wasn’t watching, and I can tell you, writing boxes are messy drinkers because it had falling over juice all over it. Daddy rushed in with the paper he uses to clear up when we forget to swallow our water. My hearing’s not too good, but I think he asked Mummy if the writing box had backed up and she said it hadn’t for a couple of weeks. We back up to humans to have our butts scratched which they do to show they love us so if its butt hadn’t been scratched lately it probably drank the falling over juice because it was feeling unloved.

Writing boxes don’t respond as well to falling over juice as humans. Talisker went to check on it and it obviously didn’t feel well but Mummy was helping to make it feel better by lying it on its side with hot air blowing at it.

The lesson we have all learned here is that if your writing box hasn’t backed up lately, don’t leave falling over juice within its reach.

Bowmore

Cat Squeezing

Daddy comes from a far away land where humans like to squeeze bags full of cats and the male humans wear skirts.

Cat squeezing is a very skilled art. You need to have the correct type of cats in the bag and know which cat to squeeze to get the right noise. Skillful cat squeezing is very pleasant to listen to and tonight Daddy put on his skirt and he and Mummy went to listen to a few of the best cat squeezers in the world. While they were out I got on the writing box and found a picture of one of the cat squeezers they saw so that you all know what a cat squeezer looks like.

Talisker likes to chase cats so maybe we should let him catch a few to put in a bag and see if we can channel his energies into squeezing them instead of chasing them.

Bowmore