Be in touch with your feminine side

Now that we have our Summer coats and it’s warm outside, I find my paw covers make my feet too hot.  This is quite a problem as I get sore claws if I don’t wear them when we’re out exercising our humans.  To help me out, our doctor recommended special covers that Mummy attaches to my claws with juice that stops them falling off.  I have since learnt that some female humans must suffer from the same problem as they also attach covers to their claws which they like to color coordinate with their clothes.  I think Mummy is trying to get me in touch with my feminine side as she has inflicted blue claw covers on me to match my exercise harness.

Bowmore

A Green Garden

Mummy likes our garden to be green which happens when it gets fed lots of water.  When water falls out of the sky, the parts of the garden that are not soft to lie on get green too which you would have thought would make her happy.  However, today we watched as she used a machine with a big stick that sprayed lots of water at this part of the garden which instead of making it greener, made all the green go away.

Firstly, if water is supposed to make the garden green, why did this water do the opposite, and secondly, why did this make Mummy happy?

Bowmore

Correct Feeding of Humans

We’ve had a very tiring two weeks.  Daddy’s been away earning dog biscuits which means extra security work for Talisker.  I take on Mummy watching to relieve him of that part of his duties.

Much to our relief, on Saturday Daddy came back to the kennel.  I’ve been quite concerned about his diet when he’s away because as we all know, it’s important to make sure your humans eat plenty of fresh vegetables, meat and fish to keep them healthy.  I learnt on the writing box that in the land he visits they eat a lot of pickled Herrings.  This sounds particularly unappetizing so we put him straight into the motorized dog carrier on his return and took him to a human feeding kennel where we could watch to make sure he ate the correct food.

Secure in the knowledge that Daddy’s dietary requirements are back on track and he is here to watch Mummy, I have been able to relax the rest of the weekend and am now ready to return to my regular duty of sofa restraint.

Bowmore

Bowmore's Special Treats

Bowmore’s old friend, Levi came to play yesterday.  I was showing him my favorite move of the double sofa jump with belly bounce off the armchair and thought I’d throw in a new move and added a twist landing; big mistake.  It made my leg really hurt.  I screamed for Mummy and have now learnt that this gets me lots of attention.  Maybe I should scream more often.  She cuddled me and rubbed my leg and then spoke to our doctor on the talking box who said I could have one of Bowmore’s special treats.  Man, now I know why the old dude’s so happy all the time.  Those things make you feel REALLY good.

Talisker

Civic Duty

I would like to get the record straight about our supposed bad behavior this afternoon.

Firstly, I would like to explain that as Head of Security in this kennel the old dude taught me that it is my responsibility to keep up with local problem areas so that I can correctly identify potential threats.

I would now like to address what happened today.

Mummy took us to a large field with a big pond where humans go to play when they’re not out earning dog biscuits.  Now, I have read about this place on the writing box but have never visited it before.  I learned that something called Park Services no longer allows humans to feed the big birds because there are too many of them.  When we chased them today we were merely performing our civic duty as security officers in helping to reduce their numbers (the old dude likes to keep his paw in and help out occasionally).  Mummy’s response to growl loudly at us and put us back in the motorized dog carrier before we had a chance to perform this duty effectively was extremely un-civic minded of her and showed her total lack of awareness of local current affairs.

Talisker

Bowmore for President

Today is the Birthday of the land we live in and to celebrate, humans gather together to drink falling over juice and put dead cow on the outside fire box.  Our humans went with us to the kennel of Talisker’s friend, Wally. His humans are really good at cooking dead cow on fire boxes.

Now, as a natural born American (and I have the pedigree certificate to prove it), I have recently learnt that I am eligible to be President of this land.  I am told that I have to be 35 years of age but I can’t find a rule that stipulates as to whether this measure is in dog or human years. I am now 87 in dog years so I consider myself well within the qualifying criteria.  Humans just fight over this job, so I think it’s time the Dog party took over and I have decided that with my many years of experience of caring for humans and diverting possible threats from our kennel, I am the ideal candidate to lead the charge.

There are a couple of issues which I feel very strongly about which I intend to use as my main platform.  Firstly, we need to deal with what in my opinion is an excessive taxation on dog biscuits and secondly, every town should be required to have a place where we can exercise our humans off leash.

Bowmore

Howling Humans

Now that water has stopped falling out of the sky and we have our Summer coats, every Wednesday evening we take our humans to a big garden in the middle of our town to listen to other humans howl while they drink falling over juice with their friends.  We've tried howling along but they just tell us to be quiet which is very unfair as the howling humans obviously needed a little help.

This is also an opportunity for dogs to train their humans to walk properly on a leash in public places.  Our friend, Max gets the award for the most innovative human training. He’s not very tall so has trained his human to push him around in a non-motorized dog carrier so that he can get a better view.

Bowmore