Be Grateful to Big Birds

Yesterday was a day in this land when all the humans stay at home instead of going out to earn dog biscuits.  They gather together with all their litter mates and parents to say thank you to a big bird for letting them eat it; quite a curious tradition.  Talisker and I are also very grateful to the big bird because we get to finish all the stuff the humans don’t eat.  Unfortunately, like the humans Talisker hasn’t learnt moderation so had to join them sleeping off their excesses by the hole in the wall with fire.

Bowmore

Crunching Crispy Things

Man, I love this time of year.  Did you know that lots of brown crispy things fall out of the sky?  The human who grooms the green stuff in our garden tries to clear them up but they still keep coming.  You have no idea how much fun I’ve been having crunching them up.  You know, some humans like to make noise with bits of plastic with bubbles in, so I thought Mummy might think it fun to crunch crispy things with me.  I had this great idea to bring a mouthful of them into the kennel for her and was particularly pleased with myself for thinking up such a great gift.  She didn’t get it and sent me out to the room with no walls to crunch them on my own which isn’t nearly as much fun.

Talisker

Soft Paws

I always thought my retirement hobby was just something fun to do when I’m not occupied holding the sofas down, but it appears that humans sometimes give stuff away for writing on the writing box.  Mummy told me that if I wrote about why I like my claw covers on their Facebook page, the humans at softpaws.com might get our nice mail lady to bring me a packet.  This sounded a little strange to me but I didn’t have a busy week so I thought I would give it a go.  Would you believe it actually works?  Our mail lady is bringing me claw covers.

Whilst writing I of course couldn’t resist reading what others had to say.  It would appear a lot of cats wear claw covers.  At first I thought there must be an epidemic of sore toes in the cat community but on further reading I found this not to be the case. I have now come to the conclusion that there can’t be much of a mouse problem in this land as it would appear that there are large numbers of cats who have nothing better to do than spend their time sharpening their claws on the furniture in their kennels and the humans they are supposed to protect.  These humans, instead of protecting cats from sore toes by attaching covers to their claws appear to be doing this as an act of self preservation.

Bowmore

Training Humans

I have sore toes today so Tali took Mummy out to exercise her on his own.  The sofas were sleeping and didn't need restraining so I thought I would do a little research on the writing box to further my life long studies of humans.

I have always found humans a little difficult to train and I was amazed to find this moving picture.

I thought our humans were relatively intelligent, but now that I see it is possible to train a human to do this, I realize that I am way off the mark.

Bowmore

Feed us!

When we start to get our winter coats, something strange suddenly happens overnight to humans’ time keeping.  For some reason they sleep later in the morning so we get our breakfast late and then however hard we plead, they feed us dinner an hour late too.  I have spent the whole of my long life trying to figure out this phenomenon.  At first I thought they just got a little forgetful because they needed more falling over juice to keep them warm but this theory has been disproven.  I have now come to the conclusion that instead of relying on their tummy clocks, and I have to admit that mine is particularly accurate, they keep looking at the mechanical clocks on their paws which obviously don’t work well in the cold.

Bowmore

Doggyroids

I have always been proud of my physique.  I am an athlete and work hard to keep my body in shape.

This weekend when all the human puppies came around to beg, this cute chick from the next block called Ginger came to keep an eye on the ones she’s in charge of.  I of course went out to pass the time of day with her, see how she’s doing, check on her dating status … hey, don’t judge me.  I’m a normal young red blooded male. And, here’s where the blow hit. Obviously in an attempt to put Ginger off me, one of the human puppies she takes care of asked if I was on Doggyroids.

Let me get one thing straight. I do not take performance enhancing drugs.

Talisker