Corona v Blankie

This is my blankie.  I love my blankie.  Daddy calls it my girlfriend.  Mummy gave it to me when I chose her to be my forever human.  I take it everywhere and sleep with it every night. Sometimes Mummy plays hide and go seek with it and when I find it, it smells really clean … I’ve never worked out how that happens.

When the humans at the tummy zipper installation kennel said I had to stay the night, Mummy tried to give them my blankie but they said I couldn’t take it with me because of Corona-something.  I’ve watched Daddy give bottles of yellow falling over juice with little slices of green fruit in the top to his friends.  They say Corona on them. Why do bottles of falling over juice have the right to separate me from my blankie?

Arran

Bad Judgement

I can’t believe what the new kid will do for attention.

I caught him doing a really good destruction job on a new toy Mummy bought for him.   He was swallowing it in big chunks.  I warned him of the consequences.

It has never happened to me or any of my predecessors in this kennel, but Rusty, a good friend who is chief of security at our humans’ favorite local falling over juice kennel, TestarossaWinery, had it happen to him when he was a pup.  That thing got stuck and then the doctor put a big zipper in his tummy to get it out, which is not a pleasant experience.

Arran ignored me.  An emergency zipper had to be installed too!  I thought that would be a good lesson, but no.  He got rewarded by lying on his back several times a day for 2 weeks with Mummy holding a warm cushion on his tummy.  Where is the lesson learned in that?

Tobermory

Good Grooming

Our groomer, TLC Mobile Pet Grooming came to give us our winter bath last week.  I always look forward to this.  Not only does he wash all the itchy stuff out of our fur, but we get an ear clean and pedicure too, all in about 45 minutes.  I look particularly handsome after; the red in my coat looks darker and my fur is fluffy and soft.

Mummy went to her groomer today.  When she returned, I had to question the efficiency of human groomers.  She was there all afternoon and her fur is paler and less fluffy than when she left.  Not only that, but we only need to see our groomer twice a year.  She goes multiple times a year and then must go to a different groomer to trim her claws.  I think the human grooming profession could learn a few lessons from the canine branch of their business.

Tobermory

The Dogstitution

I hear that humans in this land have a list of rules that they live by called The Constitution.  I asked Tobermory if something similar exists for canines.  After some considerable whining at him, he gave me what he calls The Dogstitution.

1.   If you hear any sign of the humans moving in their bird fir next door in the morning bark REALLY loudly to make sure they haven’t forgotten it’s breakfast time.

2.   If you hear the neighbor dogs sniffing and whining at the other side of the fence, bark.

3.     If humans walk by on the sidewalk outside the kennel, bark.

4.  If you see any creature with 4 legs in the moving picture frame on the wall, bark, especially if it’s the Geico Gecko – hate that guy.

5.   If your humans look like they are going near the harnesses and leashes, bark.

6.  If you see canine security details taking their humans for a sniff when you are in the motorized dog carrier, bark.

7.    If you recognize where you are going in the motorized dog carrier, bark REALLY loudly so everyone knows you’re arriving. 

I’m not so big on drawing attention to myself but I can see why as Head of Security, Tobermory considers these are all good points.  However, I do feel that some important considerations were overlooked, so I have proposed a few amendments.

8.      If it’s on the floor, it’s mine.

9.      If Tobermory thinks a toy is his, it’s mine.

10. If it’s on a table and I can stand on the edge to reach it when the humans aren’t watching, it’s mine.

11.  All human body covers left in my reach that are not containing a human are mine.

12. All pieces of fluffy cloth that a nice human who comes to clean our kennel uses are mine.

And of course, the most important one,

12.  All cuddles are mine.

Arran

Who says The Economist is boring?

When Daddy gets under his bird fur at night, he takes a thin book with him called The Economist.  Tobermory says humans like to look at boring things to send them to sleep so I concluded that the thin book must be REALLY boring.  Daddy has lots of them so when I spotted one while I was having our early morning scrumble with our humans in the bird fur I didn’t think he’d miss it if I took it to test it for boredom.  It failed.  Tobermory did warn me that Mummy wouldn’t approve, but the 5 minutes of shredding and ripping that I managed to get in before she caught me was definitely worth it.

Arran

Goodbye 2020

Tobermory:  So kid.  I need you to listen carefully and take note.  You weren't around for much of last year so don't understand all the bad stuff that's been going on.  I know you think that is a comfy place to sleep, but that is the security command post.  2021 will require you to use it for it's correct purpose ... to observe all the entrances to the kennel to deal with heightened risks.

Arran:  Look ... I can close one eye ... aarrrgh, talk like a pirate! ... and still see at least 2 entrances to the kennel.

Tobermory:  Oh, you are such a child.  What did I do to deserve this.

Tobermory:  That's right.  Just go back to sleep and leave me to protect the humans in 2021 on my own.