Poor Judgment

As Chief of Security in this kennel, it is my job with the aid of Tobermory to ensure the safety of our humans at all times.  It always concerns me when they go away without us but they seem to return unscathed.  I have therefore in the past been of the opinion that they must be sensible about only going to places that are safe for humans without their security detail.

 

Last week we went for a play date at Truman's kennel which turned into a sleepover.  This is always a telltale sign that our humans have decided to go on an adventure on their own.  I tried not to worry and was relieved when they returned safely, although I have to admit to being a little indignant when I saw the boards strapped to the top of the motorized dog carrier.  They had obviously snuck off to slide down hills covered in white slippy stuff without considering that we might want to play in it too.

 

On their way home, our humans stopped to slide down some big hills at a place called Kirkwood.  Sliding down slippy stuff can be very hazardous so I was upset with them that not only did they go there without our supervision, but also that it was a place unknown to us.  There's a reason why we have such big noses.  It’s so that we can run proper security sweeps which humans just can’t do with their little noses.   You’d think they might have worked out the true purpose of our daily neighborhood sniffs by now, especially Mummy who has had a canine security detail her entire life.

 

I was checking through the pictures on Mummy’s picture box to see if I could see any evidence of potential hazards when I saw a picture of a sign stating “Dogs, keep your owners on a leash.”  Firstly, we take care of our humans so it is obvious that we own them and not the other way around.  Secondly, I now seriously question their judgment when they walked straight past such a blatant warning that it was unsafe for them to be there without canine protection.

Talisker





Criminal Control

Our humans have always misunderstood my motives for digging holes in the green stuff in the garden.  They think I do it just for fun and I keep telling them I hear creatures underneath which could be threatening their welfare.
 
At last I have proof.  One of these creatures had the audacity to come to the surface.  I saw him but couldn’t get there in time to do the collar, as they say on the moving picture frame on the wall.  There’s a really cool story I like to watch called “Law and Order” about good humans catching bad humans so I know the lingo.
 
Talisker and I dragged Mummy outside to show her the evidence.  As any good detective would do, she showed me pictures of potential culprits on her writing box and I identified one called Gopher.  Just like the stories on the moving picture frame on the wall, she offered either one of us a special reward if we could bring Gopher to her, dead or alive.
 
I would really like to earn that reward, but Mummy is in a hurry to catch the guy so has hired a human with special tracking skills to find this criminal.  Talisker says it’s specialist work and I should just stand back, watch and learn, but I’m not letting my guard down.  If that little guy pokes his nose out in my site, I’m going to make him pay for messing with Mummy’s garden.

Tobermory

A Slippy Education

In order to properly care for humans, it is important in any young pup’s education to experience at first hand as much as possible of the strange things that humans do to amuse themselves.  One of the strangest ones that I have observed is their desire to ride up hills covered in white slippy stuff on moving sofas and then slide down them with boards strapped to their feet.

 

White slippy stuff is exhilarating to play in for us too, so when I saw Daddy putting the boards on top of the motorized dog carrier, I felt it would be more fun for Tobermory if I didn’t fill him in as to what was in store.  Your first experience of white slippy stuff is one you never forget.

 

I regretted my decision as soon as the motorized dog carrier started to go up and the ground turned white.  I had been hoping to catch up on some sleep, but Tobermory kept climbing on and off the bags of human body covers to get a better view and repeatedly said “Man, you gotta see this.  It’s way cool”.  I had to listen to his incessant whining and endure his constant wriggling for 2 very long hours.

 

Our friend, Truman and his humans joined us.  Can you believe that he is 3 human years old and hadn’t seen white slippy stuff yet?  His Mummy doesn’t like sliding down hills and prefers to watch while she makes human body covers with two sticks and pieces of string.  We were in a place she didn’t know so I thought it prudent for us to keep her company.  The kids were amazed at the site of moving sofas when all their education had taught them that they need to be restrained to prevent them from moving.

 

Most owners of kennels surrounded by white slippy stuff seem to be careless with their security however, those whose kennels they leave in the care of Tahoe Moon Properties have a special understanding of the importance of visiting humans bringing their security detail with them.  At the end of the first day, I left the job of securing the perimeter of the one we stayed in to Truman and Tobermory.  I was only interested in taking a nap by the hole in the wall with fire which I felt was only fair.  Their attention all day had been focused solely on watching the sliding humans, leaving me completely in charge of taking care of Truman’s Mummy with no breaks.  I seriously needed to catch up on my daily requirement of 20 hours of sleep.

Talisker

Spring Clean

Humans seem to have what I consider to be an unhealthy obsession with cleanliness.  Every day ours stand in a glass box that sprays water all over them.  Of course, you do have to take into account that with such little tongues and their limited flexibility, it must be difficult to clean themselves without a little help however, I do think they take it to the extreme.  They are perfectly aware that too much of the bubbly stuff that they put on their heads plays havoc with natural waterproofing.  If they took notice of this fact, they wouldn’t need to walk around under little single posted portable tents when water is falling out of the sky.

 

I am pleased to say that our humans don’t inflict this cleanliness obsession on us too often.  However, Mummy does feel it is necessary to subject us occasionally to what she calls Bath Day, with the exception of one every year when it starts to get warm outside which is called Spring Clean.  I can tell when it’s about to happen.  She gathers together lots of big fluffy water eating cloths and piles them on the floor in a room containing a big pot for cooking humans.  She thinks she’s being subtle, but I always know what she’s up to.  She makes us climb into the pot and then a long water snake sprays warm water at us, after which Mummy covers us in bubbly stuff and gives us a good scratch all over.  That bit’s not too bad.  We have to endure this twice before being rubbed with the water eating cloths.  I always like to show my dislike by shaking at regular intervals during the process so that Mummy gets covered in the bubbly stuff too, in the hope that she might get the hint and give up this practice.

 

 

It’s always upsetting to see lots of the brown stuff that’s on the ground outside disappearing down the hole in the pot.  Humans don’t seem to realize that we like to keep a little of this in our fur to help with insulation and it takes quite a lot of work to achieve the correct level without it becoming itchy.  You would think that Mummy might have caught on after all these years when she sees us rush outside and roll around in an attempt to recapture a little.

Talisker

Cover Dog Aspirations

Tobermory is aspiring to be a Cover Dog.  In my observations of humans I have noticed that exceptional examples of the species get their picture on the big floppy books that live in the mail box.  I know Tobermory is a handsome kid, but until I learnt what he was really up to I thought he had some serious delusions of grandeur.

 

Mummy spends a lot of time working with the Pacific Stroke Association helping humans recovering from their brains falling out like hers did.  Tobermory has been observing this and decided that he needs to do something to help sick dogs.

 

Our beds come from a floppy book called Orvis which holds competitions for dogs to be their Cover Dog.  Humans vote on which dog they think is the cutest, but in order to vote, they have to give a little of the green stuff that buys dog biscuits to help canine cancer research and the Morris Animal Foundation.

 

I know that Tobermory can be a little trying to live with sometimes, but this time I am very proud of the kid.  He spent a considerable amount of time searching through all the pictures that Mummy takes with her picture box and found one that she calls "Never let go of the things you love."  He thinks it best shows off his good side and of course includes his favorite bone.  I have to admit that it is a pretty good bone.  I try to sneak it away from him when he's not watching which has become particularly difficult since he started sleeping with it in his mouth.

 

Please follow this link, www.orvis.com/coverdog and help Tobermory achieve his goal of becoming an Orvis Cover Dog to help sick dogs.

Talisker

Super Ball

Last weekend we watched humans play fetch on the moving picture frame on the wall.  Talisker was being very scathing about their inability to follow the correct rules of the game.  I personally think the rules are open to interpretation and these humans seemed to pretty much follow my thinking on the subject.

 

The whole purpose of playing fetch is to fetch the ball.  If someone else gets the ball first it’s obvious to me that the only sensible course of action is to jump on top of them and grab it.  I use this method of ball retrieval regularly and seeing all those big humans do the same, confirmed to me that despite what Talisker thinks, this is a perfectly legitimate tactic.  It makes fetch far more exciting which is why this version of the game is called “Super Ball.” 

There is however one thing that surprises me.  It’s my understanding that there are supposed to be 49 humans in the pack that wear red and gold body covers, but I could only count 11.  If the other 38 had turned up to jump on the black and white ones, they would have had a much better chance of winning.

Tobermory

Becoming American

Last week, Mummy became an American.  She had to learn lots of stuff about this land and pass a test to get a piece of paper to say she belongs here.  Tobermory and I are Americans and I guess they must be much tougher on humans, because the only test we ever took involved us sitting, lying down and coming to humans when they asked us to.  We got extra points for shaking paws with them, quite a peculiar human custom.  You can learn so much more about someone from sniffing their butt.

I heard Daddy testing Mummy and some of the questions he asked involved knowing the names of famous humans and what they did to have them remembered in the history books of this land.  One thing confuses me.  I didn’t hear any mention of dogs that should be remembered so I would like to suggest a few historical dog facts that should be included.

About 250 human years ago, there was a big fight between the humans in the top and bottom of this land.  A very successful human fighter for the top of the land called General Custer was well known for his canine officers who advised him on fight tactics.  These dogs obviously had a major role in our democracy.

Of course, we must not forget the role of dogs around 100 human years ago who served during World War 1.   They helped to preserve freedom for lots of lands, not just ours.  One memorable canine soldier is Stubby.  He served in the 102^nd Infantry, 26^th Division.  His secret weapon was his particularly powerful nose which he used to warn the humans when there was bad stuff in the air.  His most famous act was to use his nose to find a bad human who was watching the ones he protected, for which he was awarded the honor of being the only dog in history to be promoted to the rank of Sergeant through combat.

More recently, a little under 2 human years ago, I wrote about a dog who helped a group of seals catch the leader of a very dangerous pack of humans who hung out in a land with lots of sand.  I’m still confused as to why humans trusted such an important task to a bunch of water dwellers.  Their aqua skills cannot be disputed, but when it comes to dry land, it's obvious a whole pack of dogs would have done a quicker job.

Talisker