Take Your Human to Work Day

Yesterday was “take your dog to work day”. I find this a little confusing as Talisker and I work really hard with our humans EVERY day holding down the rugs under their desks and barking at suspicious passers by.  All they seem to do is talk to their talking boxes, play with their writing boxes and dress up to take them for a ride in the motorized dog carriers.  I think we need a “take your human to work day”.  I would be really interested to see if they have the patience to hold down a rug for several hours and the intuition to work out what looks like a threat to the perimeter of our kennel.

Bowmore

Burgundy and Antipasto

Sometimes Mummy and Daddy invite other humans over to test falling over juice.  This weekend they tested a special kind called Burgundy that comes from a place where the humans are known for wearing hats that look like squashed grapes.  They visited there two human years ago and brought lots of it back with them and needed to find out if it still worked.

It’s very important to give humans food as an antidote against falling over juice so Mummy made something called antipasto.  This is food for humans who don’t like spaghetti.  I of course supervised to make sure the correct quantities were administered.

Bowmore

Talisker's Research Project

Talisker has always been curious and likes to find out what things are made of, although there have been times when I have wished he could curb his investigative tendencies.  As a pup he practiced on eight of my beds and my entire prized collection of stuffed ducks.

Recently he took on a new research project.  At the kennel where Mummy gets our food she found a furry object that squeaked in lots of places with a label that read “chew proof”.  Talisker felt we needed to know the meaning of this phrase and like any good researcher, launched into the task with determination.  He extracted one squeak and the white fluffy stuff in the motorized dog carrier on the way home and then took it out to our garden for further dissection.  He has removed all the other squeaks and made a thorough inspection of all the parts but I am sad to say that he has not yet been able to work out the meaning of “chew proof”.

Bowmore

Boiled Humans

Every morning Mummy puts an egg in a pot full of water on the part of the kitchen countertop that gets hot and the water bubbles for a while.  This is how you make a boiled egg. You know when it’s done when the cabinet that gets hot starts to squeak.

In our garden there is a large pot full of water that bubbles.  This pot is for making boiled humans. They usually hold a glass of falling over juice and it is my observation that they appear to be done when the glass is empty.

Talisker

Diversity

We live in a place where there is a good diversity of breeds, both in humans and dogs.  All breeds have a characteristic they are known for.  I have already told you that Daddy’s breed are known for the male humans wearing skirts and squeezing bags of cats.  Some of Mummy’s relatives are a breed that used to wear little round hats with horns and our friend Bailey’s Mummy is a breed known for their love of potatoes and dressing in green.

Talisker and I are from a breed of Canadian fish retrievers.  There are lots of our relatives around here but I am pleased to say that although he has a lot of fish retrieving friends, Talisker has chosen to diversify his pool of playmates.  On Monday he invited Wally and Truman over.  Wally is a Hungarian bird scarer, although the humans in that land are known for eating stew made out of cows so his ancestors can’t have had much work.

Truman’s mother is a fish retriever and she’s a little cagey about his father, but rumor has it that he’s an African lion chaser.  However, I have decided that he obviously takes after his mother as he’s not very good at getting the upper paw over a fish retriever and a bird scarer.

Bowmore

Talisker, the Linguist

When the big black human carrier comes to take Daddy to the flying metal tube kennel, he makes Talisker and me promise to take care of Mummy while he’s away earning dog biscuits.  I’ve been doing this for a long time so can do it very well from my day bed in her writing box room.

Daddy has been away for a long time and Talisker is now getting worried that some threat outside has prevented him from returning.  I tried telling him that tomorrow we are all getting in the motorized dog carrier to go and get him from the flying metal tube kennel, but he doesn't believe me. He’s convinced the threat outside is higher than normal so has spent all day sitting on the viewing platform barking.

Now, I’ve done a bit of barking in my day, but even in my books, this was excessive. He reached the peak around dinner time at a moment when Mummy had the talking box to her ear.  I could see that crazy look she gets in her eyes sometimes, she asked the talking box to hold on and then spoke very loudly to Talisker in a language I didn’t understand.  It had a lot of very short words in it. Apparently, in the land Mummy comes from this language is called Anglo Saxon. Whatever she said, Talisker stopped barking.

In all my long years I have never had the opportunity to hear enough Anglo Saxon to understand what is being said, so I can only draw the conclusion that Talisker must have a gift for languages to understand whatever Mummy said to make him be quiet.

Bowmore

Smoked Weeds

We all had a relaxing day today. Bowmore was tired from entertaining humans yesterday so napped in the room with no walls while I helped Mummy play with her plants, only in an advisory capacity of course.

It’s usually very quiet in our garden but there was a gathering of humans at one of the kennels nearby who were obviously having a good time. Eventually one of the humans started to pull strings on a wooden box. I recognized the sound because Daddy has a wooden box with strings. Other humans started to howl and Bowmore thought they’d drunk too much falling over juice. Mummy said she thought they were smoking weeds.

There’s a kennel near us where Mummy goes to get pieces of dead cow to cook on the fire box outside. The humans who own the kennel smoke pig ears for us which are really tasty. Mummy pulled lots of weeds out of the garden today and I didn’t know they could be smoked, but I think she should take them to the dead cow humans to see if they taste as good as smoked pig ears.

Talisker