Black Dog Shredding

I heard Mummy say that pieces of paper with numbers on should be shredded by the noisy machine under her writing box table.  Tobermory told me that it refuses to shred a lot of pieces of paper at the same time so if she has big piles to shred, she puts them in a box and takes it to a place called Red Dog Shred.

I was taking a sniff around the top of Daddy’s writing box table this morning while Mummy was washing her teeth and found a big pile of little bits of paper with numbers on.  I like shredding paper so I thought I’d help out; why should the red dog have all the fun when there’s a black dog in the kennel who would enjoy taking on the task?  How was I to know that some piles of paper must be kept for 7 years before the red dog gets to shred them?

Arran

Is there a falling over juice shortage?

Every weekend, Mummy and Daddy take us to a place called Testarossa Winery where they drink falling over juice and eat tree seeds and solid cow juice.  We sit on comfy seats by a box with fire and hang out with Tobermory’s girlfriend, Lady.  Her Mummy gives us chicken treats.

I really like meeting humans and I’ve made good friends with the ones that administer falling over juice.  However, I am a little confused why they all wear muzzles because they seem particularly friendly.  They cuddle me and give me treats too.  However, this weekend they behaved very strangely.

They gave Tobermory and me extra big hugs and ear scritches and told us it was the last time they would see us before I’m big.  I’m concerned they may have run out of falling over juice.  Daddy has a room full of it.  I think he should give some to them so that I don’t have to wait for my hugs and treats until they get more.

Arran

Shearing Humans

I have always been concerned about the frequency that humans get groomed.  Mummy has pretty long fur and I do understand that it takes more grooming than my annual bath but every other day can’t be healthy.  I have warned her that it’s not good for the natural oils to wash it more than once a month, but she still ignores me.

My new concern is that this year from about the time when the sun started to stay awake longer, she has started to shear Daddy.  He said he needed it because human shearers were not working.  Personally, I think it’s something to do with the biting epidemic that has all the humans wearing muzzles.  Think about it … would YOU want to shear a human that had to wear a muzzle?

Now, this didn’t concern me too much when the sun was awake for a long time every day and we all got hot.  However, the sun is now going to bed early and it gets pretty cold.  Mummy sheared Daddy yesterday and I'm worried about him getting cold.  I think she’s added shearing to her grooming addiction.

Tobermory

Running with the Big Dogs

I read on Mummy’s writing box that humans aspire to running with the big dogs.  I don’t know what the big deal is.  I ran with the bog dogs all afternoon yesterday and it didn’t seem that difficult to me.  I can run way faster than them although, I do admit it was pretty tiring.  After dinner I usually entertain our humans by chasing my toys around in front of them, but last night they had to entertain themselves with the moving picture on the wall while I took a nap.

Arran

How to Exhaust a Puppy

I’m new to this puppy stuff.  I know I was one, but it was a really long time ago.  Mummy says I was challenging which I think must be a positive because she says she always enjoys a challenge.

Our humans are complaining about sleep deprivation.  I don’t know what their problem is … they don’t sleep in the same room as Arran.   I slept with the humans in their bird fur for 9 months and now I’m back on a dog bed sleeping beside a dude who thinks that a box is a cool place to sleep.

I am trying to help our humans out, so for those of you out there with puppies, let me show you how to exhaust them.  First, find a really noisy toy, the more annoying the better because puppies can’t resist annoying.

Once you’ve exhausted the puppy, make sure to remove the toy because now you need some peace and quiet for a well deserved nap.

Tobermory

 

What's a Lergic?

Last night I was out for my end of evening sniff and found a cool round green thing under a tree.  Tobermory told me it’s called a lime and humans add them to a falling over juice made from a plant called cactus.

I was having fun throwing it around the garden when a stripey bug started to fly around my nose.  I like to catch bugs, but this was a mean one.  It stuck something sharp in my lip.  It really hurt so I ran inside to find Mummy.  She makes everything that hurts feel better.   And then I started to feel weird and sleepy and my chops got really big.  Our humans rushed around putting foot covers on, Mummy picked me up and she, Daddy and Tobermory ran to the motorized dog carrier.  Daddy made it go really fast and Mummy was talking to her talking box.  We stopped outside a kennel that had a big sign saying “Med Vet”.  A nice female human wearing shapeless body covers that I learnt are called scrubs, took me into the kennel.  There were more humans wearing those shapeless body covers inside.  They found the spiky thing in my lip, took it out and then stuck lots of needles in me.  I didn’t enjoy that bit, but I did start to feel better.  The male human in charge said this happened because I’m a lergic.

I don’t know what a lergic looks like.  I mean, aren’t I a Labrador?  I tried to find more lergics on the writing box.  I think I should meet some others to find out what we are but I can’t find any.   If you know any lergics, please put them in contact with me.

Arran

Teaching Humans To Give Treats

Mummy took me to school yesterday.  She says all puppies, even human ones have to go.  I get to play with four other dudes at the beginning.  They don’t look like me. They all have really long fur except for one little one who hides under her human’s chair.

After that, the serious stuff starts.   This is when we teach humans to give us treats.  The human in charge tells all our humans what to do and then they just follow the instructions.  Here is how it works.

Mummy says “sit”, raises her paw, I put my butt on the floor, she gives me a treat.  Mummy says “down”, does a downward motion with her paw, I lie on the floor, she gives me a treat.  Mummy holds her paw out and says “touch”, I put my nose on her paw, her other paw gives me a treat etc. etc. etc.

My conclusion is that humans are REALLY easy to train.  However, I am confused.  My research shows that human puppies don’t take their Mummies and Daddies to school with them, so … how do they train them to give treats without help?

Arran