Humans and Water

I have been working very hard at my human studies.  The current topic is “Humans and Water.”  Talisker says they don’t like it when water falls out of the sky because they don’t have waterproof fur.  I guess he must be right because Mummy took us out for our neighborhood sniff today when lots of it was falling and she put a body cover on that all the water rolled off and another on the fur on her head.  I thought it was really fun.  You can catch it in your mouth and jump over the piles of it that gather on the road.

Humans also like to wash things with water.  They put their body covers in a big box with a window in the front so that you can watch them swim.  They also clean themselves every day in a big glass box that sprays water at them.

I think the washing thing is a big mistake.  The body covers smell way better before they go swimming and humans don’t taste as good when they come out of the water box either.

Tobermory

In Search of Cows

A very confusing thing happened this weekend.  Mummy started putting our food in little bags and then put the little bags in a bigger bag with our bowls.  Talisker told me that meant we were going on an adventure and at this time of year our humans like to go to a big gathering in a place called Sonoma to test falling over juice.

Being an inquisitive young pup, I got on the writing box to find out a little more about Sonoma.  I discovered that lots of cows are there.  I’ve never met a cow but I know that I’m not one because that’s what Mummy tells me when she catches me eating grass.  Our kennel has lots of grass and I thought that if that’s what they eat, it would be really useful if we could persuade one to come home with us.

The motorized dog carrier went a long way.  It was very boring.  My new teeth are itchy and I couldn’t find anything to scratch them on.  I tried bits of the motorized dog carrier but it really doesn’t taste that good and have to admit to being quite pleased when Mummy found an elk horn for me.

Eventually we stopped at a place with a big sign that said “Gloria Ferrer”.  I hoped I was going to meet a cow but instead we looked at lots of things called vines while our humans tested bubbly falling over juice.  They just looked like nobly sticks in the ground to me.

Next, we went to a falling over juice kennel called Trefethan where I met a cute chick called Ava with a very furry face.  She’d just had her photo taken for a book all about dogs that live at falling over juice kennels.  I asked her if she could introduce me to a cow.  She just laughed and told me that we were in Napa and not many cows hang out there.  Now I was really confused.  I thought we were going to Sonoma.

I had big hopes for meeting a cow at the last stop of the day, Merryvale.  There was a really big water bowl outside the kennel and cows are very big so I assumed it was a special cow water bowl.  Talisker said I have a furtive imagination.  I’m not sure what that word means, but it has “fur” in it so I think it must mean that my imagination is very furry.

Finally the motorized dog carrier pulled up by a kennel that called itself “The Lodge at Sonoma”.  Talisker told me this is a place where humans and dogs sleep when they are far away from their own kennels.  It was way cool.  I completely forgot about trying to find a cow.  We got to nap on a big comfy bed with lots of bags stuffed with bird fur while our humans were at the falling over juice gathering.   We were supposed to restrain the sofa when they got back, but it was not a very active one so I let Talisker tackle it on his own.  I really wanted to stay on the bird fur and made myself very long and thin so our humans wouldn’t notice I was there.

The next day, Talisker and I took Daddy for a morning sniff.  Talisker said the kennel had a big pot of bubbling hot water for cooking humans and we needed to put Daddy in it because he had been toasted the night before.  He didn’t look very crispy to me and I don’t really understand why he needed to be cooked again by a different method, but hey, I’m just a pup and I still have a lot to learn.  At least there was a nice big dog bed for us to rest on while we waited for Daddy to cook.

I thought that since we were now in Sonoma, I would definitely get to see a cow, but adventures are very tiring for a growing guy like me and I just couldn’t keep my eyes open.  Next time we go to Sonoma I’m determined to bring one home with me.

Tobermory

Fetch Tutors

They always say that you shouldn’t try to teach your close relatives.  Tobermory is doing pretty well on his security studies and mastering the art of holding down sofas, but when it comes to fetch he just won’t listen which has forced me to solicit a little tutoring help from my friends.

I’ve been soft on Tobermory in correcting his over-zealous tackling technique so Truman has kindly taught him a few things about manners on the fetching field, however for teaching the importance of speed in getting to the ball, Wally is the only dog for the job.  Man, can that guy run.  I have to congratulate Tobermory this weekend on his valiant effort to keep up but the kid just doesn’t know when to stop.  He spent the whole of the next day asleep on top of me instead of helping out with human care.

Talisker

Giants Play Fetch

I have always had a penchant for the game of fetch.  It is therefore with some amusement that I follow human interpretations of the game.  Of course I understand that with only two legs and such little mouths they do have some limitations.

All dogs know that the secret to a good game of fetch is choosing the correct size of ball.  I personally prefer small yellow furry ones.  They fly well and have just the right amount of resistance against teeth to get a good grip on the catch.

There are groups of humans who call themselves giants which I have always found confusing as they seem to be the same size as all the others.  These humans seem to be particularly keen on trying to play fetch.  Some are from San Francisco and to account for the limitation of their mouth size, they put big pieces of cow skin on their paws shaped like baskets to help them catch the ball.  They do pretty well which I attribute to their using a ball of the correct size.

At this time of year groups of humans try to play fetch on the moving picture frame on the wall.  They really don’t know how to play the game and are obviously very dangerous individuals as they all wear muzzles.  One always runs away with the ball forcing the other humans to chase him to get it back.  This year, giants from New York got to play.  You’d think that they might have talked to their San Francisco relatives to get a few pointers, but they ran away with the ball with the ball so often that I have had to come to the conclusion that muzzled humans just don’t get it.

Talisker

Water Snakes

I love my Mummy.  She feeds me, cuddles me and gives me treats when I do what I’m told.  I thought I should give her a gift for being so awesome and searched really hard to find the perfect thing.

In our garden we have a lot of water snakes that feed the fluffy green things.  When Mummy is running on the moving piece of floor, she has to stop when she’s thirsty to get her water out of a bottle so I thought that she would really appreciate a water snake to help her out.  I found one at the back of the garden that didn’t look very busy but it was quite difficult to get inside.  I had to pull really hard before it would let go and came with me.

I left the water snake by Mummy’s chair in her writing box room and then went to find a place to hide where I could watch to see the joy on her face when she found it.  You can imagine how upset I was when not only did she not look pleased, but she growled at me and shut me outside.  I guess I should have listened to Talisker when he told me that Mummy doesn’t like surprises.

Tobermory

Newt in Chief ... seriously?

I have always maintained that as Head of Security it is important to keep up with current affairs in the human world.  This year, the humans in this land are holding a big competition, the winner of which gets to live in a big white kennel and tell all the other humans how to behave.  There are lots of heats to eliminate the bad ones so that at the end there are just two competing for the big prize.

I have always been given to understand that this competition is only open to humans so you can understand my surprise when I learned that the winner of one of the most recent heats is a newt.  I seriously questioned the human decision last year to send a bunch of seals and only one dog to catch a bad guy when everyone knows that dogs are way more efficient on dry land, but come on … a newt in charge?  Have you ever seen one?  They don’t exactly project a commanding presence.

Talisker

Human Soup

There’s a big pot of bubbly hot water in our garden.  Talisker says it’s used for making boiled human like when Mummy makes boiled egg in the morning and you can tell when they’re done when the glasses of falling over juice they are holding are empty.  I’ve been watching very carefully and I think he’s wrong.

When Mummy makes boiled egg she boils a fresh egg every day but when she makes chicken soup she boils the same chicken several days in a row.  Since only our humans seem to get boiled in the big pot and I have never seen fresh ones in there, it looks to me like they are really making human soup.  As for the falling over juice, Mummy puts it into chicken soup to make it taste better.  Our humans put the contents of their glasses into themselves so are obviously trying to improve their flavor.

Tobermory