Sharing Bodily Warmth

It’s that time of year again when the sun makes it look warm and bright, but it goes to bed early and then it can get cold.  The kid is still too young to understand and all he does is complain.  When we went for our weekly adventure on Friday to our humans’ favorite falling over juice kennel, Testarossa, they tried everything to make him happy … comfy seats in front of the table with fire while wrapped in a blanket to share bodily warmth and treated us to human kibble and hard cow juice.  I personally was having a great time.  Who doesn’t enjoy eating hard cow juice while wrapped in a blanket in front of a table with fire?  Apparently not Arran.  All he did was whine at Daddy to take us back to our kennel when I know that all he really wanted was to interrupt my relaxation so he could go for another sniff around town.

Tobermory

Spooky Happenings in the Human World

There are strange things happening in our neighborhood.  For the last week, one of the human kennels near us has had monsters in their garden that jump out at us and say scary things when we pass by on our evening sniff.  That’s not all.  This evening lots of human puppies have been knocking on our door dressed in strange body covers and begging for treats.  When we beg, we don’t get anything without doing something for our reward, but Daddy is showing no resistance and just handing over human treats without even making them sit.

Arran

Happy Herbs

Every year, when the sun starts to go to bed later, Mummy spends several days digging in the brown stuff in a box at the end of our garden.  She then plants little green things that she puts cages around.   I think she’s concerned they may escape.  They’re pretty high maintenance.  She gives them lots of love and spends a lot of time feeding them.  They grow really tall and strong and in return, their job is to grow round yellow and red human treats, but this and last year’s didn’t appreciate her care and gave her nothing in return.

This weekend Mummy sent the tall plants packing and replaced them with little bushy ones called herbs.  She says they’re low maintenance, don’t need to be replaced every year and are very tasty in human kibble which makes our humans happy.

Now, here is where I am a little confused.  Our friends, Frankie and Abby’s Daddy grows special herbs in his garden with bad smelling flowers that he says make him really, really happy when he sets fire to them.  I was concerned that we would have the same problem, but I had a good sniff of Mummy’s herbs, and they smell great.

Tobermory

Neighborhood Sniffs on Rain Hold

There’s lots of water falling out of the sky today.  Our humans are really happy.  They say we really need it, but here’s the bit I don’t understand.  If they’re really happy about the water, you’d think they would be outside enjoying it, but instead they are sitting inside looking at colored blobs on their writing boxes and told us that our daily neighborhood sniff is on "rain hold".

Arran

Orphaned Royal Canine Security Experts

Last week the top human from the land that mine came from, went to join past members of her canine security detail in the place where they have been taking care of her human mate.  I am sure they were all very excited to see her, but I worry about the orphaned security detail she left behind.  They have been particularly vigilant in their duties, admittedly being handsomely rewarded for their hard work with adventures all over this planet, lots of cuddles from a wide section of society and gourmet treats.

I have been reading on the writing box how much humans will miss this special female, but there is not enough written on the heartbreak of her canine companions.  I know how important it is to be cuddled by your Mummy every morning when you wake up and get ear scritches and give kisses at regular intervals during the day.  These orphaned Royal canine security experts will miss their Mummy more than any human can understand.

Arran

Dog Days ... really?

Last night when we were watching the moving picture frame on the wall, I heard the human who predicts what the sun is going to do describe the weather right now as dog days.  He went on to say that 110°F was no temperature to let dogs go outside in.  I’m confused.  In my mind, holding down the sofa all day while the humans play with their writing boxes in dark rooms with the shades closed, not being allowed to play outside and not going out for our daily neighborhood sniff until the sun has gone to bed after the humans’ feeding time does not have the makings of a good dog day.

Tobermory

Behave Your Age

I had a sore leg last week.  My doctor gave me some magic treats to stop it hurting and ordered me for a few days to concentrate on the skills of sofa restraint and supervision of human meal construction.  I pointed out that would mean that I would have to trust Arran to properly exercise Daddy in the evening, not to mention that I would also be neglecting my duties as his tutor in the important art of retrieving. When Daddy throws toys for us, it is very important that I get to them before Arran to demonstrate correct catching methods.  Would you believe my doctor then had the audacity to suggest that I need to behave my age?

Tobermory

Covid Puppy turned Jazz Hound

When I visited our doctor last year to get the juice that stops me getting sick, she said I’m a classic Covid puppy.  I needed to look it up on Mummy’s writing box to understand what she meant.  I learned that because of the human biting problem that started before I was born that confined them to their kennels and had them wearing muzzles when they were allowed outside, I didn’t get to go on enough adventures to meet other humans and their canine security detail.

Well, that has now changed.  For the last few weeks, every Wednesday evening we go to a big garden in the middle of our town where lots of humans gather, sitting on folding chairs drinking falling over juice and eating human kibble while listening to a small group standing on a big table in the middle of the garden, one howling and others blowing bent metal pipes that make strangely enjoyable noises.  It’s one of the types of noise that makes some humans get out of their chairs and wiggle which I’ve always found amusing.  I overheard one saying it’s called Jazz.  I guess that means that I’ve turned from a Covid puppy into a Jazz hound.

Arran

Martley Hall Stud – the hot UK vacation spot for horses

Last month Mummy went on an adventure on her own for seven whole days and left us alone with Daddy.  I didn’t like it.  How can we perform our security duties properly if the family unit is not in the same place?  Daddy obviously didn’t have enough to do without her around, so I helped him out by only eating breakfast when he spoon-fed it to me to take up a little of his morning time.

Now, I know what you’re thinking … where did Mummy go?  She’s done this twice since I started studying security protocol under Tobermory.  I decided I need to know more about these adventures and her writing box seemed the obvious place to start my investigations.  I was in luck.  She keeps details of everywhere that she goes on it.

I’ve learnt that Mummy travels in a flying metal tube to go and visit her litter mate and her pack in the land where she was whelped.  To my relief I found out that there’s a pretty tight security detail protecting them, so my concerns for her safety were unfounded.  They all live on a special horse resort called Martley Hall Stud where very fast horses go for vacations or to rest and be pampered before and after they have their puppies.  I’ve never seen a horse puppy.  I checked Mummy’s picture box, and sure enough, here’s a picture of horse puppies, although Tobermory did correct me … horse puppies are called foals.  I don’t understand why they have such long, skinny legs.  When I was a puppy, I had short, fat legs

Arran

The Last of the Three Amigos

It was a sad day today.  My old friend, Truman went to join my dearly departed brother Talisker.  He was his BFF and I’ve known him my whole life.  We went on adventures together, accompanying our humans and sampling the local bread while they tested falling over juice, we watched them slide down white slippy stuff with boards attached to their paws and had sleepovers at each other’s kennels.

Truman and Talisker are back together on an adventure in a place where the rabbits are slow and fat, the frisbees and balls plentiful.  I am now the last of THE THREE AMIGOS.

Tobermory

What do you call a baby goose?

When Mummy goes on her weekly foraging trip for human kibble, on the way she drops us off with Daddy at a huge field with a big hole in the ground with water in the middle of it.  It’s one of our favorite places to go for a sniff.  We meet other security details out exercising their humans and lots of big birds called geese vacationing there, visiting from a cold place in the north.

Recently on one of these outings, the big birds were accompanied by groups of baby birds thatlooked like fluffy yellow balls with legs.  Tobermory says they’re called goslings.  That doesn’t make much sense to me.  Everyone knows that more than one goose are called geese and not gooses, so shouldn’t more than one gosling be geesling?  If Tobermory is correct, then maybe I’m really a dogling and not a puppy.

Arran

Extra Leggs shown to help old dogs

I love my new Dog Leggs.  I know what you’re thinking, I’m a dog and already have legs, four of them and of course I love them.  I use them to catch toys when amusing the humans with a game of fetch and of course when we take them out for our neighborhood sniffs.

Dog Leggs are not to be confused with the four you are familiar with.  When it’s warm outside, I like to nap on the cool floor, but as I’ve got older it makes my elbows sore.  I used to spend a lot of time visiting our doctor to have the sore bits made better after dirt from the ground made them leak, but not anymore.  She said she’d let Mummy in on a new trick for old dogs… Dog Leggs.  They keep the evil dirty stuff out with the added advantage that they look really cool so other humans always stop ours to give me some love and ask about them.  Arran likes to be the center of attention so of course wants some too.  I told him you get them as a privilege of age.

Tobermory

Only the best for my Lady

Our breed is renowned for many things.  One is that our descendants were Canadian fish retrievers and another is that we will eat pretty much anything.  Daddy calls us Ice-Chest Retrievers.

I have a girlfriend, Lady.  I’m her toy-boy … she’s 3 years older than me, but pretty hot for her age.  I get to see her most weekends when our humans gather to enjoy falling over juice at TestarossaWinery.  There are always lots of good snacks on hand, Milkbones that the humans who pour the falling over juice keep in the pockets of their body covers and crackers on the plate of human treats made from cow and goat juice.

Now, you’d think that Lady as a member of the Jack Russell Terrier breed, known for their hunting prowess would join us in indulging in these culinary delights, but oh no … she says the secret to her girlish figure is only eating healthy food cooked by her Mummy.  She won’t even drink out of our water bowl (if you saw the amount of slobber my messy drinking brother, Arran leaves behind, that is maybe understandable).  She will only drink out of the cooling bucket for her humans’ falling over juice.  She claims it’s the perfect temperature to maintain her complexion.

Tobermory

Charity Begins at Home

We are lucky to have good humans who like to help others less fortunate than themselves.

This weekend they are involved with a team of organizers in something called a fundraiser.  Before the human biting problem when they had to wear muzzles, this was a common occurrence.  They get all consumed for days beforehand.  All Mummy does is play with her writing box and catch pieces of paper that the machine next to it throws out.

There is a human expression that I learned, “Charity Begins a Home”, and I must admit that I have been guilty of thinking that our humans should not be neglecting us by reducing their time taking us for neighborhood sniffs.  That is until today.

I heard Mummy talking about the local human groups that their fundraiser will be benefitting, JW House, Life ServicesAlternatives, Next Door Solutions to Domestic Violence, Saint Patrick School, StartingArts, St. Louise Regional Hospital and Sunnyvale Community Services.

I take It back.  Charity does begin at home, but it takes good humans to make sure that it happens in all their homes and we’re happy to forego a few neighborhood sniffs to help many humans, even if we don’t know them.

Tobermory

Wiggling Humans

Humans need to be exercised and Tobermory has taught me that they are very compliant if there's a reward at the end.

Last Thursday we took Daddy on our sniff up a hill to his favorite falling over juice kennel, Testarossa.  Tobermory said we were going there so the humans could listen to something called music.  Mummy was waiting at the top with a big bowl of iced water for us, and a bottle of water with bubbles and a glass of falling over juice for Daddy.

In front of the other humans drinking falling over juice, was a female howling while the male standing next to her pulled strings on a box that made noises.  Some of the humans got out of their seats and started wiggling their bodies which was really funny to watch.  I couldn’t understand why Tobermory wasn’t laughing too.  He said he’d seen it many times before as it was a common occurrence in the olden days before the human biting epidemic when they were only allowed out of their kennels wearing muzzles, but now I can look forward to watching humans wiggle at Testarossa every Thursday until the sun starts to go to bed early.

When I see something new, I like to do a little research on Mummy’s writing box, and I was interested to find out what you call humans who howl to the noise that comes from boxes with strings.  Did you know that snakes climb out of baskets and wiggle when humans blow through hollow sticks that make noises?  They’re called Snake Charmers.  Since the howling human and the one pulling strings made humans wiggle, I guess that would mean they are called Human Charmers.

Arran

On Special Assignment

Tobermory has appointed me to a special assignment.  I was made for this job and have been training hard for it all my life.  Cuddling is my specialty which I made very clear to Mummy when she first came to interview me and my brothers, crawling on her lap and licking her while the others roughhoused.

A few days ago, Mummy fell when she was getting out of the human washing box, hit her head and sprang a leak.  I think if humans had more fur to protect them, they wouldn’t be quite so delicate.

Daddy took her to be repaired but it didn’t work.  As soon as she got home, she sprang an even bigger leak so had to go straight back to the local human repair shop.  Of course, this gave Tobermory and me plenty of time to clear up.  Humans can be very messy when they leak.

I now have the task of cuddling Mummy as often as I can, just like she cuddled me when my doctor had to put a zipper in my tummy.  Tobermory says cuddling really helps the healing process.

Arran

Security Academy

Tobermory is making me study.  He wants to retire from the position of Head of Security in our kennel and so I need to hone my skills for taking over the task.

I’ve conquered the most efficient way of monitoring the entrances.  There is a convenient viewing point on the back of the sofa. This comes with the added advantage of being able to multi-task.  It’s a comfy spot to take a nap, and if I keep one eye open, I can see all the doors. 

However, there are still a few areas which obviously need more practice.  Our humans seem to be upset when I join in with Tobermory when he demonstrates what he deems to be the correct procedures for threat analysis:

1.    Recognize potentially threating noises outside the kennel - bark at them.

2.   Recognize potential threats seen through the windows of the motorized dog carrier - bark at them.

3.  Hear the neighbor dogs on the other side of the fence - bark at them.

4.   Big, white, fluffy dogs could be potentially threatening - bark at them.

5.   If in doubt - bark at them.

Our humans always shout “quiet”.  I looked this command up on Mummy’s writing box and it infers that the meaning is “don’t bark”.  Tobermory says this is incorrect and what they are telling me is bark more … very confusing.  I like to respect the wisdom of my elders, but I think more studying is required.

Arran