Black Dog Shredding

I heard Mummy say that pieces of paper with numbers on should be shredded by the noisy machine under her writing box table.  Tobermory told me that it refuses to shred a lot of pieces of paper at the same time so if she has big piles to shred, she puts them in a box and takes it to a place called Red Dog Shred.

I was taking a sniff around the top of Daddy’s writing box table this morning while Mummy was washing her teeth and found a big pile of little bits of paper with numbers on.  I like shredding paper so I thought I’d help out; why should the red dog have all the fun when there’s a black dog in the kennel who would enjoy taking on the task?  How was I to know that some piles of paper must be kept for 7 years before the red dog gets to shred them?

Arran

Is there a falling over juice shortage?

Every weekend, Mummy and Daddy take us to a place called Testarossa Winery where they drink falling over juice and eat tree seeds and solid cow juice.  We sit on comfy seats by a box with fire and hang out with Tobermory’s girlfriend, Lady.  Her Mummy gives us chicken treats.

I really like meeting humans and I’ve made good friends with the ones that administer falling over juice.  However, I am a little confused why they all wear muzzles because they seem particularly friendly.  They cuddle me and give me treats too.  However, this weekend they behaved very strangely.

They gave Tobermory and me extra big hugs and ear scritches and told us it was the last time they would see us before I’m big.  I’m concerned they may have run out of falling over juice.  Daddy has a room full of it.  I think he should give some to them so that I don’t have to wait for my hugs and treats until they get more.

Arran

Shearing Humans

I have always been concerned about the frequency that humans get groomed.  Mummy has pretty long fur and I do understand that it takes more grooming than my annual bath but every other day can’t be healthy.  I have warned her that it’s not good for the natural oils to wash it more than once a month, but she still ignores me.

My new concern is that this year from about the time when the sun started to stay awake longer, she has started to shear Daddy.  He said he needed it because human shearers were not working.  Personally, I think it’s something to do with the biting epidemic that has all the humans wearing muzzles.  Think about it … would YOU want to shear a human that had to wear a muzzle?

Now, this didn’t concern me too much when the sun was awake for a long time every day and we all got hot.  However, the sun is now going to bed early and it gets pretty cold.  Mummy sheared Daddy yesterday and I'm worried about him getting cold.  I think she’s added shearing to her grooming addiction.

Tobermory

Running with the Big Dogs

I read on Mummy’s writing box that humans aspire to running with the big dogs.  I don’t know what the big deal is.  I ran with the bog dogs all afternoon yesterday and it didn’t seem that difficult to me.  I can run way faster than them although, I do admit it was pretty tiring.  After dinner I usually entertain our humans by chasing my toys around in front of them, but last night they had to entertain themselves with the moving picture on the wall while I took a nap.

Arran

How to Exhaust a Puppy

I’m new to this puppy stuff.  I know I was one, but it was a really long time ago.  Mummy says I was challenging which I think must be a positive because she says she always enjoys a challenge.

Our humans are complaining about sleep deprivation.  I don’t know what their problem is … they don’t sleep in the same room as Arran.   I slept with the humans in their bird fur for 9 months and now I’m back on a dog bed sleeping beside a dude who thinks that a box is a cool place to sleep.

I am trying to help our humans out, so for those of you out there with puppies, let me show you how to exhaust them.  First, find a really noisy toy, the more annoying the better because puppies can’t resist annoying.

Once you’ve exhausted the puppy, make sure to remove the toy because now you need some peace and quiet for a well deserved nap.

Tobermory

 

What's a Lergic?

Last night I was out for my end of evening sniff and found a cool round green thing under a tree.  Tobermory told me it’s called a lime and humans add them to a falling over juice made from a plant called cactus.

I was having fun throwing it around the garden when a stripey bug started to fly around my nose.  I like to catch bugs, but this was a mean one.  It stuck something sharp in my lip.  It really hurt so I ran inside to find Mummy.  She makes everything that hurts feel better.   And then I started to feel weird and sleepy and my chops got really big.  Our humans rushed around putting foot covers on, Mummy picked me up and she, Daddy and Tobermory ran to the motorized dog carrier.  Daddy made it go really fast and Mummy was talking to her talking box.  We stopped outside a kennel that had a big sign saying “Med Vet”.  A nice female human wearing shapeless body covers that I learnt are called scrubs, took me into the kennel.  There were more humans wearing those shapeless body covers inside.  They found the spiky thing in my lip, took it out and then stuck lots of needles in me.  I didn’t enjoy that bit, but I did start to feel better.  The male human in charge said this happened because I’m a lergic.

I don’t know what a lergic looks like.  I mean, aren’t I a Labrador?  I tried to find more lergics on the writing box.  I think I should meet some others to find out what we are but I can’t find any.   If you know any lergics, please put them in contact with me.

Arran

Teaching Humans To Give Treats

Mummy took me to school yesterday.  She says all puppies, even human ones have to go.  I get to play with four other dudes at the beginning.  They don’t look like me. They all have really long fur except for one little one who hides under her human’s chair.

After that, the serious stuff starts.   This is when we teach humans to give us treats.  The human in charge tells all our humans what to do and then they just follow the instructions.  Here is how it works.

Mummy says “sit”, raises her paw, I put my butt on the floor, she gives me a treat.  Mummy says “down”, does a downward motion with her paw, I lie on the floor, she gives me a treat.  Mummy holds her paw out and says “touch”, I put my nose on her paw, her other paw gives me a treat etc. etc. etc.

My conclusion is that humans are REALLY easy to train.  However, I am confused.  My research shows that human puppies don’t take their Mummies and Daddies to school with them, so … how do they train them to give treats without help?

Arran

 

Twenty Seconds of Fame

There are human rituals that we join ours in every evening.  One is that when the sun is going to sleep, we sit on the sofa with our humans to watch a moving picture box story that tells us what is going on outside our kennel.  There is one segment that has always particularly interested me where there is a discussion about the quality of the weather for going out for a neighborhood sniff which of course is very important to me.

I decided to open a discussion on the writing box with the human who does the predictions, and we got on pretty well.  I read on the writing box that everyone is entitled to 15 minutes of fame, and he gave us our first 20 seconds last night.

Thank you, Mr Heggen.

Tobermory

The Adventures Begin

Hello, I’m Arran.  I have a new Mummy, Daddy and big brother called Tobermory.  I wasn’t sure about him at first, but he’s really cool.  He’s teaching me loads of stuff about how to be a great dog.  Yesterday he taught me how to ride in the back of a motorized dog carrier.  He says only babies sit on their Mummy’s lap in the front, so that means I’m a big dog now.

Tobermory told me of all the adventures our humans will take us on.  We went on my first one yesterday.  He said it wasn’t really an adventure because we do it most weeks, but it was a pretty big adventure for me.  We went to a place that he said is a falling over juice kennel called Testarossa where the humans test falling over juice.  They didn’t fall over so it must have been defective.

I sat with Mummy on a comfy sofa with my toys and lots of other humans visited us with fingers that were really good to chew.  I wanted to get off the sofa and have a good sniff but Mummy says I need more vet juice to stop me getting sick before I can do that.  It was very tiring but luckily Mummy was on hand for me to sleep on.

Arran

Introducing Arran

I have a new little brother, his name is Arran.  He came to our kennel almost 2 weeks ago and I wanted to introduce him earlier but he just moves around the whole time, so Mummy couldn’t use her picture box to get a good shot of him.  However, I have discovered that he is very interested in politics.

Our humans were watching a very important argument between the current pack leader and the human who is challenging him, and Arran and I were watching it so intently that Mummy managed to capture a picture. However, the guy with the orange fur who is our current pack leader was continuously interrupting and Arran as a young impressionable pup was really confused why that is fair.  

The pack leader’s fur color is very similar to mine (though Arran thinks mine is much more handsome) and Arran made the comment that although he has limited human experience at 10 weeks, he has never seen another human with that color fur and that maybe that is the right fur color for pack leaders.

Perhaps I should offer myself for future pack leader contests.  My platform would be free kibble for all, with Milk Bones for dessert, and I think that could secure me a win.

Tobermory

 All the leaves are brown and the sky is grey …

I found this line on the writing box.  It’s from a howling human performance from a group called the Mama’s & the Papa’s.  I thought this particularly apt because my “Mama” is complaining about all her beloved green things going into hibernation.  The sun obviously is not feeling well because it hasn’t come out for days.  And the sky isn’t grey … it’s kind of orange and the motorized dog carriers are covered in grey stuff.  Daddy and I are sneezing the whole time and I really don’t like this.  It’s very confusing. Daddy says that this is God celebrating the Giants who play a strange version of fetch winning 23-5, so everything is painted yellow.  I don’t buy it.

Tobermory

Badly behaved humans

I’m getting very concerned that there may be a human biting epidemic.  When I take our humans out for our evening neighborhood sniff we see lots of humans wearing muzzles. Mine have started dragging me out into the middle of the road to avoid them which only shows that they must be scared of them.  Occasionally they let me exchange a few words with their canine heads of security but we have to do it at the very end of our leashes.

Even more confusing is that lots of my humans’ friends used to congregate at our kennel at the weekend and drink falling over juice.  Now, they just talk to the neighbors standing at the front of their own kennels with their own falling over juice and they are not allowed inside our kennel.  I have only seen this happen with my friends when one of them has a “marking” issue.  Have humans started marking too?

Tobermory

Humans in Crisis

Something very strange is going on with humans at the moment.  Ours usually go out every evening with their friends and now they stay at home all the time.  We go for neighborhood sniffs more than usual but they cross the road when they see other humans.  Of course, it means that I haven’t had the chance to compare notes with other household heads of security so I have not been able to work out what their take on the situation is.  Mummy only leaves the house when she has to go foraging for food so I don’t get much opportunity to get on her writing box to get more information.  I did manage to make contact with a canine news correspondent who gave this report.

I think what we can take from this is that the canine security profession now has a really important task to keep their humans safe.  I know it’s tempting, but no more dragging them across the street to compare security notes, and instead of whining at the front door to go for a walk, just find a chew toy. Mummy said that even though this is very strange, it is very important and as everyone knows your Mummy is always right.  Whatever it is, please keep your humans safe and make sure they have enough falling over juice to keep them sedated well because the writing box says they must “shelter in space”.  This is an old piece of advice from a famous dog called Laika who was the first planet based creature in space in 1957 who obviously thought it was a good place to hang out.

Tobermory

Learning to Beg

It’s been a tough couple of months since I said goodbye to Talisker.  We watched out for each other and shared the human care duties.  Now I’m doing it all on my own.  They are giving me extra cuddles, taking me everywhere with them and I now get nightly human bed privileges, but I still really miss him.

There are things Talisker used to do that I always took for granted.  I’m finding it especially difficult to ask for bread when my humans’ friends stop by to drink falling over juice.  Talisker always did it for us.  He just had this subtle way of begging which humans thought was cute and it always worked.  I should have studied him better.  I’ve tried sitting quietly behind them which I thought was what he did, but that doesn’t work.  I’ve tried a bit of gentle yipping to make them notice that I was sitting behind them, but that just annoys them.  In despondency, I then go and lay on Talisker’s spot on the sofa because Mummy says that is now my spot, but that only makes me feel sad.  Then they come and offer me bread, but by that point I’m too sad to eat it and then all the humans get worried about me.  Why can’t they worry when I’m sitting quietly behind them?

Tobermory

Farewell to a gentle soul

It is with very great sadness that I tell you that we said goodbye to our dear, sweet Talisker on New Year’s Eve.  It has left an enormous hole in our hearts.  He loved his little brother Tobermory and was always protective of him, a role which reversed as he got old.

Tailsker was the chief “begger” in this house.  This is something that is forbidden at the dining table, but all bets are off in the kitchen and around the breakfast bar and he mastered the art beautifully.  He would sit quietly behind unsuspecting guests and every now and again would gently nudge them with his nose.  If that didn’t work, he would tap his target with a paw and that very rarely failed which would benefit both him and his brother.  Tobermory now looks lost when guests stop by for a glass of wine.

 

Our beautiful boy had his favorite spot on the sofa.  For those of you who watch the Big Bang Theory, you will understand when we tell you that we called him the Sheldon of the dog world.  If his brother or a visiting dog were sitting on his spot, he would never behave badly.   He just sat and looked at me with a hurt look on his face until I had asked the intruder to move when he would triumphantly hop up onto the now vacant spot.

Talisker’s beautiful gentle soul will always be missed by us.

Mummy